Open your heart, to love, and be loved.

BYE!

2007-05-17T00:39:00.000+08:00

hello hello hello. well, i see blogger is finally back to normal, after a whole season of error. well, here's to say that i am not going to be using this account much more anymore. I'll most likely be blogging at [renew-sanctuary.livejournal.com] I might come back once in a while to see who's this really nice person who'll keep by my blog. haha

see ya soon peeps! =]

2007-05-16T04:16:00.000+08:00

You are trying desperately to prove yourself. You are going at it hammer and tongs in order to get your own way. You oppose any sort of restriction or opposition to your own point of view in the belief that this could prove you how self determined you are.You are looking for excitement and stimulation and you are ready to try anything - but be careful not to take too many risks.You are very demanding - and insisting on total involvement but you do not reciprocate with the same depth of feeling. However, it could well be that maybe an unprecedented surprise is awaiting you in the near future. For just as one whilst paddling in the sea, could flounder into a whirlpool, so you may be drawn into a loving situation that has high emotional demands - and you could well respond with a depth of emotion that you never even dreamed that you possessed.You pretend that you are a carefree individual and that nothing really bothers you - that you are so self-sufficient that whatever problems beset you they simply flow off you as water flows off a ducks back. You are experiencing considerable stress, trying to conceal yourself from the rest of the world. In actual fact - deep down, you are not at all happy. You feel lonely and you need someone with whom you can 'Let your hair down' and share your hopes, dreams and high standards. You are imposing unnecessary self restraint on yourself. You would like to demonstrate the unique quality of your character to all and sundry.At this time you don't particularly like yourself. Everything that you have tried to do seems to have gone wrong. This makes you feel that there is no point in trying to start again. Apart from being stressed and tense, you are angry with yourself and have unadmitted self-contempt. Your refusal to admit that you and you alone is the basic cause of your problems leads to you adopting a headstrong and defiant attitude. If you take stock of yourself, smile a little and let go, everything will turn out OK. Have you not heard of the cliche 'smile and the world smiles with you - cry and you cry alone!'?

ok. i really dont know how this might look to people, but i think it describe me, ok. hahaha. you can verify with me. hahahaha

http://www.paulgoldinresearch.com/cg/

take the test and find out. hahaha. pfft.

2007-05-14T14:35:00.001+08:00

Im back! muahahahahaha, well, i was gonna say after long, then i realised my last post was just 4-5 days ago. hahahhaa. pffft. what..... hahahahaha. i was just looking back on my life, my history, my past. again. yes, again. hahahahaha.

well, i was.....

i was always hounding for attention, looking out for someone to look out for me. never TRUELY loving someome, always waiting for someone to tell me that they loved me, and half the time it was fake attention. pfft. BGR. what is it really. some BIG thing? is it really that BIG after all? technically speaking. how long do most relationships in this time last, 1 yr at max. with the odd few exceptions. but then again, looking back, i always wanted someone's attention! well, now i have unwanted attention.

Looking at it now, i love people, and not just like them. Not for their personality, their character, their good looks, but just love them. Love, cannot be described. You just feel it. and i've been feeling alot of it nowadays. Maybe it's because i've been very loved. =] nt just by my leaders, but also by close friends.

I've really learnt to love the people around me, cliche, but yes. When i almost lost a close friend to the devil, and i didnt even know till recently. Thank God that he's back, but then looking at it, I didnt even know that he was leaving. Some kinda friend i am yeah. I almost lost him, without even knowing, and that has really shown me the phrase, cherish what you have now, for you dont know when you might loose it. That's one friend.

There's another. I wrote about him before. and it really hurts me to see him the way he is now. You dont come online anymore. You've changed. I know you feel that you've changed for the better, and i pray that you will change for the better, but you've changed. major. The energy, the life, all that use to radiate from you, is lost! you always disturb me. and i mean ALWAYS. come back. where are you? i miss the old you. the one who'll although always disturb me, will stay up with me till 4-5 to just pei me. where have you gone? please dont go into hiding. If you read my blog often enough, i think you know who you are. what happened? will you make me smile again.

I miss the old you. Both of you. really missing, meaning, it's been weird having you so far from me. i feel the pain, really. not joking, or smiling, but you really mean alot to me, friends, spiritual family, as brothers. The older brothers who always disturb the younger sisters yeah. I'll always love you, it's because of this that dont you see why i can see when you're hurt, or upset, even if you dont tell me? to me it will always be. and i dont want to loose you like i almost lost him. it hurts to loose something you love alot. and i love both of you alot.

I'm not trying to be emo, or if you think i am. but i just want YOU to realise that it's not just your leaders, sheep, ex mates or current mates who love you. People do love you.

I love you!
I love You God!

2007-05-10T00:28:00.000+08:00

I wanted to post about this for so long, and you know what, i just kept forgetting. pffft. Well, i just wanted to say that it was the first time i was ministered to, and prayed and prophesied over that Leonard wasn't there, to ask,"so how are you." He never did say how was it, nor how is it. nor so how? it was never about anything. It was always about me. He always cared about me. LEONARD!!! pfffft NS is stupid. pfffft. It took my leader so far. pffffffffffffffffffffffffft. if not he'd have been there to ask the famous 3 words again. pffft. NS stinks. pffffffffft!!

2007-05-08T21:40:00.000+08:00

Oh yes and Eric, I know my worth. =] He died for me. =] that's what im worth. =] and Gabriel, you're skinny, not slim, and you're scrawny, not sexy. hahahaha.

2007-05-08T21:17:00.000+08:00

pffft. pffft. pffft. I've been stuck at home. pffft. but you know what, hahahaha i studied. but then, haiz. ARGH! i have so many things to worry about.

well, i have attendance to send in. then i got to worry about one of my friends not going for his training, and all sorts of things. He's not going for trainings, not doing his usher duty properly, and it's been giving all the leaders a really big problem. goodness.. and he's this this this close to back sliding. ARGH!!! i'll pray.. and fast!

also another thing, one of my friend's grandmother just passed away. It really showed me how much you really have to appreciate life as it comes at you. Cliche, i know. but, having had 3 friends who lost family members, I've never been in that situation, but i understand what it feels like to lose someone. A song phrase, you dont know what you've got till it's gone. It really shows hoe much people dont go around appreciating things that go past in their lives. And then when you lose something, then you start crying over spilt milk, saying, oh how i miss you, when you've been quarreling with them before they left. Ever wonder how precious life is? think about this also. The next person may be you. what if? what if? dont let your family cry over your spilt milk.

Well, over the bad things going on, there's one thing that's good. =] I brought a friend to PGSM last friday, and before that, i actually managed to get him to church! haha. true, it's just a normal day in church and not even service, but im so glad that it was a weekday, and there were so many more people to integrate him. hahahahaha. Well, he asked about when people get saved, then asked how i felt when i got saved. i didnt want to elaborate, but told him, why not he come and find out for himself, and asked him to come this friday. muahahahahaha. and then he said mosst likely he will. WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. my God is a great God! i love you God! for being an AWESOME GOD!! he said he wanted to give christianity a try, but you know what, i know that once God touches him, there's no longer gonna be a try. =] God will always be here for you man, =] as long as you allow Him in. =] He's not going to force His way into you, but He is a gentle Spirit and He will only come when you ask Him. so, let me ask, are you willing to let him into your life? =]

My God is an awesome God.
I love my life.
I will learn to appreciate.
I LOVE YOU GOD!!!

2007-05-07T16:12:00.000+08:00

woots, i spent saturday at home, and now im gonna spend monday all alone at home also. sian right. when i feel that i can be doing so much more. pfft. home's boring. mom wants me to study, not to take on usher, not to go to church this entire week, and not to do anything related to church. ok, if you want me to. But, i cant, coz wednesday i have runthrough, to arrange chairs, i have YA to send to yassy, thursday Im on usher!! woohoo!!

i just got transferred to Big, and i am only ushering one time this entire month!! waaaaaaaaaaaaa. pathetic. pffffft. i wanna usher more lehz jianming. i love ushering. and i will not give up ushering for anything man. woohoo!! =]

then friday, pastor Kong's seminar. saturday i'll be stuck at home again. pffffffft. then sunday. mother's day. even more PFFFFFTTT. haiz. well, you know my situation. pfft pfft pfft. and no SOW next week too!! argh. pffffffffffffffft. pffft pffft pffft.

I love church alot. i will not give it up. expecially when i am "this" close. PREACH! ok pastor. yes, i heard you. and thanks roy. i understand where i stand, hmmm, special kids in church. =] even more challenging. wooo. hahaha. thanks for planting the idea in my head. =]

I love my leaders! =]

2007-05-07T02:44:00.000+08:00

Hi everyone I'm back home, after a super long day. I was up around 8+9, to shower, yada yada, to go for an early mother's day dinner with my grandma. Followed by admin in church before service, service, meeting with Jian Ming, meeting with Roy, followed back to back, with a meeting with fifi and Garrett for Pastor Kong's seminar, and followed by a runthrough, well more like many run throughs.

Wow, God is truly accelerating me. More than that, what I want to talk about is what went on during service.

I had been using my strengths too much, making alot of it my pride. I've not been calling out to God, not using his strengths. However, as they sang alleluia to Christ the Lord during service, the presence of God came, and He told me this, stop thinking about everyone around you, and worship me. For since very long, I worshiped. This feeling like never before. wow! and we had an alter call, where Pastor prayed for the leaders, and soon to be leaders. I hesitated. yes, I did. I hesitated, wondering if I was ready, and God spoke saying, if you want to be a leader, why are you still standing here? So , here goes. As pastor Lia prayed over me, all she said was, "Preach! you are going to preach! PREACH!![prodded me in the stomach and yelled] LOVE! PREACH!" as we sang hallelujah, there were no tears. none whatsoever. but as soon as she touched my forehead, I felt all weight leave me. There was no weight, not meaning the kind where you have weight on shoulders, but literally, there was no mass in me. I felt myself, falling against pastor's arm around me, yet I couldn't feel myself. There was nothing in me. I just had a revelation, it says that everything of mine, God can take away. WOW! well, as she touched me, tears came thick and fast. as I fell, I felt ushers catching me, yes, yet there was no feeling in me, all I know was I was sobbing, and crying. For the first time since long when I got prayed for by Pastor Lia, I truly, 100% fell under the presence of God, I have been washed and cleansed. PREACH! LOVE!!!

preach? I never saw myself there before. and as I was talking to Roy after that, he shared about his life, and as he shared, it made me see mine, of whether I was heading in the right direction? well, he did say, not to give up my dreams of working with special children, but to instead looking at it in an overseas perspective, would I ever consider working in church, with special children who might in turn also come to church in the future? I never looked at it from that angle before, and after he said that, things showed a clearer picture. God is indeed changing and accelerating me, from being a nobody since young, I am someone now.

Even at home, where I was always no body, treated wrongly, Eric helped me see, that hey, God still loves you, and that even if I cant do something at home, I can do something for God. Leonard helped me see, that there was someone deep down inside, worthy of something. Roy showed me that, no matter how busy the leaders are, their first main concern is about people. Thank you for showing me all this love and care.

I love my God, I will rise up in usher, and I will be someone of worth.

Thank you leaders! =]

Emo-ism.

2007-05-05T14:03:00.000+08:00

Hello everyone. I am today at home, missing my service, due to the surboordinates in singapore. [note to self, never bring surboordinates into sgp from overseas during weekends] Well, he's my dad surboordinate, and it's because of this, I'm here at home, missing my service, and thus able to blog. However, comparatively, I'd rather be at service then at home blogging. Well, I am a litle down, by someone, and i really miss some people.

Green pangs hit hard at the heart after yesterday night. Is it or is it not? Does it or does it not? Yes or No? or am i just being over demanding? and then again. will it ever be? Just because....... But am i going to go over somewhere else, where there's nothing to hurt there? where there's a lot of jokes, and friendship going around? then isn't that being unfair to whichever whoever?

I want to leave. Leaving this greenery behind. Heart of God church, please don't worry It's not you im leaving. But then again. To go somewhere no other has stepped, do i really want to achieve what no one else has reaped? In this case, is it that good? God, take away this foolishness, this nonsense, this hurt, and this paranoid thinkings.

I sound emo. Maybe it's because I am. no no no no no. I am not. hahahaha. because Leonard says that if i get emo and fall into depression, hell freezes over. hahahahahahahahaha. well, truth be told, we all have our bad days, [darn, mine seems like a bad week.] no no no no no. I'm not emo just sleepy i guess.

If you're reading this, you wonder why am i deluding myself, and you're saying that i should just emo myself away? Well, here's to you. I am a child of God. So if you think i'm deluding myself, it's atually the devill trying to make me fall into his trap. Well, i may have put half a leg in, but you know what, I'll take my leg out. I know i can pull it out.

Well, cheers to my first emo post. stop thinking about it. Gabriel i need good cheer. =]It's been great to have a friend like you Gabriel, appreciate it! =] Thanks for everything. =] even if...... hahahahahahaha =]

argh.

2007-05-05T01:02:00.000+08:00

I am very bored. I am very tired. I am very tired. I am very stressed.

Baby i need someone to love me.

OK!! I SOUND EMO!! STOP!!!!!

hahahahahaha. well, i am tired, and stressed. But well, i know there'll people who love me! I know of someone who'll call me, just to hear me sing good night. I know of someone who yells at me to tell me I LOVE YOU! I know of someone who'll curse me as a friend. I know of someone who's there to always "wonder". I know of someone who always disturbs me. I know of someone who brings me out. Well, what do you know. People love me. So, I am loved. Very loved in fact. =] hahahahahahahahahaha.

Thank you everyone who loves me! =]

Thank you God for loving me.

accelerate

2007-05-05T00:58:00.000+08:00

I am accelerating with God in me. Use me lord. To impact souls and change lives! I love you God, my Saviour and Lord!

busy busy!!

2007-05-04T12:44:00.000+08:00

Chiong arhz!!!! I have CG admin for Pastor Kong and this weekend's service! woohoo. exciting man. hahahahahahaha. I never realised i love Admin so much. hahahahahaha. Like Leonard told me before, Admin's about loving people. hahahahahahahahahahaha. ok. i think i love people enough to take this up. hahahahahahahaha.

Exciting man. How i can do all this, and still do well in school, though i havent gone for a long time. hahahahahahahaha. woots, you didnt see that. hahahahahahahahaha. and people have been telling me, the H and A keys on my laptop are going to spoil soon. hahahahahahahahaha. i think so too!! hahahahahahahaha. but...... but, but........ i like to laugh... [burst into tears!] waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. hahahahahahahahahaha. it's an expression ok. i like to laugh, so i got to let you see, if not hear me laugh can. hahahahahahaha

Gabriel! i dont believe he[not gabriel?! but to gab, you know who we're talking about.] likes me. hahahahahahahahaha. and hor, you dont anyhow wonder wonder hor. hahahahahahahahahahaha. and it's your com thats slow, and laggy. GABRIEL'S NEW LAPTOP IS SLOW AND LAGGY! hahahahahahahaha. it's you, you, you! hahahahahaha. and stop wondering! and dont smile to yourself when you reading this sia. I'll kill you. hahahahahahahahahaha.

Agnetta is getting disturbed by Gabriel.. stop it gabriel.
Agnetta is feeling alot better already.
Agnetta is busy! happily busy! =]
Agnetta loves God!
Agnetta love hoGc! =]

May!

2007-05-03T03:12:00.000+08:00

I've been in church exactly eight months! wow. EIGHT MONTHS!! wow, when i first stepped into hoGc, i never knew I'd stay for so long. When i first came into hoGc, i never expected to be who i am today Even before, i wasn't able to be there 100%. but now, here i am today. I LOVE HEART OF GOD CHURCH!!

wow. lookie here man, I'm CG admin, and i'm doing alot of things. But i still love doing it man! woohoo!!! i love you peeps super alot. especially my Ninifwred.

Oh and yes, i must must post about someone!!

Gabriel!!!!!! i miss you!! ok not in that kinda sense but yeah. really miss you man, all the crapping with you. I think we both got caught up in doing loads of stuff, and really didnt communicate other than over it. But really had great fun catching up with you again, especially over our worship team jokes. hahahaha. =] and dont be jealous la. i posted about him so long i post abt you now k. hahahahahahahahaha. you make me smile you know. =] sincerely. =] But be more light hearted lehz. it's been really long since you've came up to me to mess my hair. [not saying i want you to do that] but yeah. dont be too caught up k =] relax man. =] You're really fun to be with. =] You're gonna go places man!! [and you'd better bring me along] hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha =]

Ok , there's actually alot more things i want to say, but there's certain thing i will not post. so yeah. going on. =]

I really love it in church. Let me give you an example. when i left house today, i was super tired before that, and so i left in a pretty down kinda mood, the moment i reached the road, i started smiling, and thinking to myself, "I'm going to church!" hahahahahahhaa. and it's not the first time i've smiled to church. =] I love my church. And when we shift to paya lebar. [laughing now (sorry but there's something abt the new premise that makes me laugh) hahahaha] I love my church, and i think everyone can see that now. hahahahahahaha. I LOVE MY CHURCH!!!

Anyway, if you're wondering why i was so problematic ytd, and my nick was super emo, it was because i had a few truffles with my parents. So, yeah, thanks eric,I'm much better now. I can still go out and buy thing back for them before i reach home sia. I've changed!!! God is indeed a God of miracles!!

I LOVE YOU GOD!!!!!

I love my God.

Gabriel, you're a great guy, and you're missed.

Thanks Eric. =]

I love my Ninifwred.

CG admin's fun! =]

adminstration's fun if you see the love behind it. =]

I love spending time with my hoGc peeps.=]

Random Junk

2007-04-30T03:59:00.000+08:00

Dessert at bugis there is yummy.

I need to stare at someone!!

I am CG admin, and i chionged a database and completed it with wonder today.

I cleaned keyboards and fixed keys back with Elgin Maniam and Kinnon and fixed that puzzle.

I can do all things with God in me!

I love you God!

my use to be-s

2007-04-29T02:51:00.000+08:00

This is not gonna be like my other posts, it'll take you on a look back at why I am who I am today.

Looking back on how I was, when this blog was started, it was a place for my continuous ranting of hatred for my school, and I mean, school as in everything about it. I was a total mailto:b%25@$h, and I mean B. I was an emo kid, even to the extent of at times being called an ASK, anti social kid. I was horrible, and this blog was where I’d rant at myself for long.

Then as time passes and people change, this blog became a place where I came to heal. I dropped some of my hurts of people here, however, my stupidity led me to leave names of the targeted people I was writing about. I blogged about everything, and anything, of how people treated me, and how selfish I was, looking back at that those posts. but still I refused to face reality and realise that the problem was me, and not them.

So from the anti social kid, I became the problem kid. But as we all know, if God can take Rahab, a prostitute, and make her a hero in the bible, as she saved the spies who went into Jericho, He can make a miracle in everybody if we'd just believe yeah?

So, here I am today. Standing here, proud to call myself, a child of God, a living testimony to those out there, proof that He can do something with someone like me. God is a great God. Amen

So down to today. I'm stressed!! I have alot of things to do, alot of things to worry about!! alot of things to take care of!! and I have been offered a position that I have taken up. EXTRA WORKLOAD!! and I have a meeting with one of my leaders, and I have no idea why. EXTRA STRESS!! and for all these situations I am in, God only has one word for me. guess what,, one word. ONE!! it's

PRAY.

I've been relying on my own strength. I've been fearing too much, being too selfish. I've become a thermometer though I used to be a thermostat. and why? because I didn’t,

Pray hard.

wow. as we stood there, for ten minutes, I prayed, and I mean prayed. I prayed like I never did before.!!

and then, after dinner, extra reason to stress. As we all know, I came from a Buddhist organization. I was the problem kid there, and as I became more involved in God's house, a friend from there came to hoGc. so, we have one. today, I received word that we may have two! to me it was extra stress, extra work that I didn’t not want to inflict on myself. I was selfish. and then.... as I remembered this year's vision.

ACCELERATE.

God is not testing me, and no he's not stressing me, and no. he's not worrying me. He, is accelerating me! CG admin? can. do more in integrating them? sure. like Leonard said, one day the organization will close down la. from one to two to twelve, one day, the organization will close down.

Today pastor preached on Faith. We must have faith, in everything we do. But, faith without works is dead. Now it's my turn to realise that I cant rule the world. But I can impact it, with God's glory.

Remember in a few posts ago, I spoke of someone who seems to totally hate me? well, it's some one I haven’t really known long. but why I feel that she hates me, is because I’m gonna be someone she cannot be. She used to frequent a church, two yrs back, and she was even named evangelist of the year. but, she didn't rise up to be anybody during the time that she was there. and she complained to me before, “I stay there so long, bring so many friends, and yet nv get any recognition, stay for what?" then I realised. she wasn't living for God, and hence, she could never rise up. She lived it for her glory, and not God's. She had no faith in God, only in herself[pretty much like me eh.]

But I am different. I will be different! I will make a difference! I will stand for God starting NOW! I will hold my ground, and be a thermostat. I will worship my God, for he is my lord and savior. For tonight, he has made me someone, that I never imagined I could be. Now and forever God, I am yours.

there's a particular song’s lyrics, a love song, but this time round, look at I from a different view yeah?

Nothing's gonna change my love for you You ought know by now how much I love you The world may change my whole life through But nothing's gonna change my love for you

If the road ahead is not so easy, Our love will lead the way for us Like a guiding star I'll be there for you if you should need me You don't have to change a thing I love you just the way you are So come with me and share the view I'll help you see forever too

It seems as if He's singing to us, that He'll always love us, and "nothing CAN change His love for us." and how our road is not easy, but He is our guiding star, and He's always there for us if we need him. He doesn't want us to change, He loves us just the way we are.[this is my beloved child in whom I am well pleased.]

I no long need to worry about whether someone loves me or not. He died for me on a cross, the least I can do, is give my life as my offering to him.

Thank You God, my faith in you renewed, my courage and strength replenished. I will take up CG admin, and I will meet with my leader with an open heart, and if I’m gonna be wrong about something, then I will accept responsibility and the consequences if I’ve made mistakes.

I love You God.

Thanks for everything Eric.
Leonard, welcome back, and you look super farny!!
I miss Charleston! [he's in field camp now.]
I miss pastor Lia, and some leaders. [They're in Sydney.]
We need a new church premise!!!!!
I have a craving for pasta. Anyone?
I love You God!!

2007-04-27T15:34:00.000+08:00

Create your own Friend Test here

woohoo.

2007-04-26T12:44:00.000+08:00

I did not call coz i was a sleep. and you didnt pick up when i called.

hahahahahaha.

Yan said i have 188 ha's in my previous.

hahahahahahahahahahaha.

i think there were more Yan in my other posts.

hahahahahahahaha.

or maybe i was just very happy ytd night.

hahahahahahaha.

Aand i still cant stand going to school! argh.

"Accept responsiblilty for you action,

and the consequences it comes with, when you play the games you shouldn't."

I love my God! =]

boo! guess who! =]

2007-04-26T01:55:00.000+08:00

"You have a very nice voice to talk to."

HAHAHAHAHA.

imagine. someone told me that. goodness.

that's it! hahahaha. that's gonna be the last time i talk to you before you go to sleep man. hahahaha.

madness. hahahahaha. i cant stop laughing. goodness.

i think talking to you before you sleep makes you a little crazy. hahahaha.

Make me say good night to you HOW MANY TIMES! before you're satisfied? hahahaha.

hmph. make me say so many times. hahahaha.

then you never say somemore!

hahahahahaha.

and yes i did dream of you after you told me to dream of you! haha.

grrrrz. hahahahaha.

we should stop talking before we go to sleep. hahahaha.

not as in literally before we sleep coz obviously to some poor idiots who dont understand two sided english languages, this is meant by the fact, we do not talk before bed time.

understand kids?

HAHAHAHAHAHA.oooooooh I'm mean. hahahahahaha.

and i can be a pre school teacher.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

gabriel will laugh reading this.

hahahahaha.

and i can predict his answer.

"No problem de. you blend straight in."

back to the talking topic. hahaha.

that's it. we talk in the morning.

hahahahahahahaha.

which reminds me.

You wanted me to call you in the morning why?

hahahahahahahahaha.

So that you can hear me talk?!?!?!?!?!?

grrrrrr. hahahahahaha.

i feel like yelling your name out loud!

hahahahahahaha.

but to save myself from......

hahahahahahaha.

you know who you are. hahahahahahahaha.

imagine.

he wakes up at 7. i wake up at 7.30.

hahahahahahaha.

he wants me to call him when i wake up, so i can talk to him,

so that he can hear me.

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah.

can anyone guess now? hahahahaha.

guessed who yet? hahahahaha.

well, hahahaha, KEEP GUESSING. coz i'm not telling. hahahaha.

but well, it does give me incentive to wake up, though i might not want to go to school.

hahahahaha.

so well, let's start the day right, and call you.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

i feel that school will be great.

hahahahahahahahaha..

still no idea?

hahahaha.

well..............................

keep guessing.

haha.

Agnetta talked long tonight.

Agnetta is sick.

Agnetta has to wake up early to call someone tml morning.

Agnetta has a nice voice to talk to...?

Agnetta had no physic tests today.

Agnetta is renewed.

Agnetta is not long stagnant.

Agnetta is a thermostat.

Agnetta loves her for He loves her the way she is.

Agnetta does not need to fake her way into people's lives.

Agnetta loves her King and Saviour.

I love you Lord!

Never ever try me.

2007-04-25T00:00:00.000+08:00

If you think trying me is fun, let me tell you first, it's not. If you think insulting me is ok, i'll tell you to a certain extent it is. If you think insulting my Lord, King, and Saviour is a joke, and it's something you can make a joke out of, just wait and see how He can make you a joke.

Just because we're not the same, doesn't mean it gives you the right to disrespect me or my faith. You say things just because you FEEL like saying it, never giving two hoots about the receiving person, never knowing if it might just make or break a relationship you share.

You feel like saying it, so you do. That bluntness, and honesty might have came better through someone elses mouth, but for you, let's just say you fail, not even with an F, it's a pure ZERO! ok, well, if it'll be any condolence for you, i'll give you a one. Coming from someone else, say Leonard, with a discipleship, i'll take it, and know what to do regarding it. Let's say from someone else like Gabriel, saying why bother for even talking to you, I'll take that serious on my advice radar, and really see why i should even have bothered with you in the first place.

This bluntless from you is not the honesty any girl with my calibre would accept. But, no worries, there's always a but, just this time round, it's not a good but for you. BUT...... it is a tactlessness that girls would hate you for. Although some girls may like honesty, definately more than your never ending yes-es, let me just tell you, from someone with truckloads of experience regarding the "honesty" it's gonna no wait, it WILL, turn any girl off.

So, no point in trying to get close to me anymore. I know everyone deserves a second chance. No worries, you're allowed the chance to knock on my door, just whether or not, i will open it to you again. You lost you chance through your tact, of lack thereof, and it's not easy to win me over.

You say i remind you of her. You say she might not like me. You say you dont believe in what i lay my trust in.

He made me who i am today. He loved me for me, loves me for me, and i'm sure he'll alwayys love me for me. And here i stand today, perfect in any way, and every single way. So if you don't like me, for being real, and you're angry at me for you not being able to be REAL, and you have to be someone you're not, then please, get youself a life, and stop living someone else's life. Stop trying to be someone you're not, when He has made you perfect in every single way, for He never makes mistakes.

Dont try to win me back over, for it wont work again. I gave you a first chance, and you threw it down the drain.

So, let me repeat, insult me, but not my faith. Test me, but never my King.

Agnetta is being insulted.

Agnetta is proud to be REAL.

Agnetta should push tighter, harder.

Agnetta is leading games tml.

Agnetta always misses people.

Agnetta misses a discipleship.[though i feel one coming up]

Agnetta is sick.

Agnetta will not accept from Eric.

Agnetta miss Leonard and Charleston.

Agnetta loves her Saviour, and nothing in this world, can take Him away from her.

I love you God.

Team SAJC.

2007-04-20T00:28:00.000+08:00

YOU GUYS BETTER WIN THIS YEAR'S CHAMPIONSHIP! with Jeremy Ong leading you to infinity and beyond.

IJ, CJ, AJ and TJ. 3-0, 2-0, 4-1. 3-0. WELL DONE GUYS. =]

I owe it to them.

2007-04-20T00:17:00.000+08:00

Leonard, one i cannot do without, even though discipleships are harsh, it's for my own good. THANK YOU LEONARD!

Charleston, that smile that brightens up any sad day, the smile that can win a war without weapons.

Thank you leaders. =] for being the motivation and inspiration.

God, HELP.

2007-04-19T23:28:00.000+08:00

THE baseline of all prayers, and these prayers include mine. God, thank you for the net you've brought me to, the safety net you've provided for me, and this presence you've given me, that no one else can give.
This net of HEART OF GOD CHURCH, one that no one could have ever given, no one could ever provide, and this undying love you've shown is one no one can beat, for you've died on the cross for my sins. Thank you Father.

If you're wondering what's with the emo start, I am having problems now. This is a stoopeed situation, and it's taking alot out of me now. My family can afford a new van, so now we have 4 vehicles, with only one driver in Singapore to drive them. But with 4 vehicles, my parents cannot afford to increase my allowance, even after showing them that hey, $300 is just not enough.

Calculating, I've to spend at least $200 on transport. that's on ezlink card alone. that leaves me $100 to spend on food, and cab fare. Now you know my situation. I'm not expecting you to understand, i just dont think you should judge me, from what you see. And no Eric, i will not borrow. i hate that feeling, and i will not borrow.

That is also why, i cannot do without people like Uncle Chen, Leonard, and Yassy. These people have been here for me, listening to what i have to rant on and on about.

Ricky chen, thanks for listening to me rant on, and all the advice. Though you always bully shermaine, you're still a nice guy. =] thanks. and still no i wont borrow.

Yassy, thanks for telling me to be a kid. I dont see how that can be achievable. I've always been the kid doing the adults job. If you want the adults to take back their job, it might prove alittle difficult for them. But, I'm still doing what i have to do, regardless of anything, but thanks for being there.

Leonard, though you WERE suppose to be sleeping, thank you for listening to me cry out all that i had to give. I didn't call you just to be accountable to you, but also the fact that you've always been there for me, and thank you. for all that you've given. Thank you for the concern, even though you're one of those busiest people. [even when you're suppose to be sleeping in camp] You went all out, like you've always done for me, so, thank you.

Gabriel, I'm considering your opinions of blowing up the new van.

Agnetta misses Leonard.
Agnetta misses Leonard's discipleship.
Agnetta needs a allowance raise.
Agnetta is broke, in debt, and has 3o cents to last the entire month left.
Agnetta is considering Gabriel's idea of blowing up the new van.
Agnetta, hasn't been a kid in a many a long years.
Agnetta feels better after talking to Eric.
Agnetta feels more comforted talking to Leonard.
Agnetta is thinking of Charleston's smile which has brighten up half her night.

Agnetta Loves.

WOWIE!!

2007-04-06T01:50:00.000+08:00

I thought my photography and self image got better. and i could photo whore better. perhaps, i'd just not taken enough self shots to realise that i couldn't relly take myself, without my owe thinking i look like an idiot. but here's my best shot at self photography. hahahahaha.

If you think that's good, to me by my standard yes. but then with people like Eric around. hahahahaha. snapping me without me knowing. Impromtu shots look really great. they really capture a person. The Real person that is inside that is shown. I know Eric, the models are paid to portray, but they can never be real enough for me to say. So, i think i look real enough in this photo. =] thank you Eric. =]

My discouragement.

2007-04-05T00:29:00.000+08:00

It's been long since i posted. It was hard, getting over the emotism stage, and the discouragement, and depresssion, but you know what I'm back! and im staying the way i am. I doubt if the dicpleship was THE cause of the problem, but perhaps it was. I really dont know as i'm generally ok with it, but. goodness. So, we managed to talk it over, hahahahaha. I thought i was going through alot, but perhaps, maybe... well, i cant really pinpoint the fault on anybody, but really, i think it was also my fault. To stop doing so much, and to stop putting so muc responsibility on myself.[Eric's words] Maybe it's just coz i didnt turn to a particular someone for help. Now, it's time to change. To not rely on myself anymore. It's time to rely on God, where He is limitless where i am limited. To tap onto his strength, my honour to be used in his glory. Thanks Eric! =]

Agnetta will beat Gabriel at hungry hippos.

Thank you for eveything Eric! =]

[Father, ThankYou, for allowing me back into your embrace, that love and mercy.Nothing can take me away from You, and let Nothing take me away from what You want Me to do.]

(it might not be the best shot, but at least I'm glad that i have a friend like you.)

Shockingly true. Read it and weep.

2007-03-27T23:39:00.000+08:00

I picked this off of a bulletin of a friend on friendster. As a fellow sibling in christ, I found this shockingly true, much as i dont want to abmit it. Read it, and i sincerely hope that it'll actually bring you the revelation of how you might have strayed from God, even without you knowing.

“I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices.You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world.So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will takeaway your joy.” (John 16:20-22 NIV)

Worship/Fellowship — There are somedays when, frankly, I don’t feel muchlike worshiping God. There are probably more days like that than I’dcare to admit.

But usually those are days are whenI’m staring at my circumstances and making faithless judgments about whatI see around me. And I struggle withthe God-truth that he is in the circumstances that surround my life –all the circumstances.

Have you ever considered that heartbreak is part of God’s plans foryou, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and afuture”? (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV) We put so much energy into avoiding the hurt when God would have us embrace it. He wants us to know that he can heal our hurts, even use our hurts for his benefit, and for us to faithfully believe that sometimes the circumstances we think are harming us are actually positive situations God is engineering.

God, who is omnipotent, sees the breadth and depth of our circumstances, and he knows his plans for our lives. Thinking, then, like Christ, we can slowly, ever so slowly,begin to understand that avoiding the pain in our lives is actually an actof faithlessness. God calls us to faith in him during difficult circumstances; we’d rather place our faith in avoiding the circumstances.

As always, Jesus shows us the way –because he is the Way. Jesus embracedthe pain of God’s plan for his life,and he did it with full faith that God was still working the plan to bring a “hope and a future” to your life and mine. (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV) Christ was so sure that his grief would turn to joy that he showed a radiant certainty in God’s faithfulness (“Radiantcertainty” is a phrase William Barclayuses to describe the attitude of Jesusat the Last Supper).

Our Brother Jesus, who is also ourKing, was heading into a crisis that would cost him His life, yet He was so certain – radiantly certain – of God’sfaithfulness that not one of his disciples even discerned the gravityof the crisis! Jesus was so certain of God’s faithfulness that it radiates throughout his whole being.

And we, too, can have this radiant certainty about God’s hand in ourl ives. We can say, when it comes to God’s faithfulness, “I know because Iknow that I know.” That’s radiant certainty! The Cross was Christ’sglory, not His penalty – and the sameis true of difficult circumstances inour lives.

So what?

• God’s faithful character - You willdevelop this radiant certainty in Godwhen you learn to trust in hisfaithful character. Your daily worshipof God is irrevocably tied to yourfaith in God.• Praise God anyhow - You must choose to praise and worship God every day,no matter what the circumstances ofyour life. Developing a radiantcertainty in God begins with simplesteps of faith and obedience.

• Respond to God, not your circumstances - When faced with apainful or difficult circumstance, askGod, “How do you want me to respond tothis?” Keep your eyes wise forthe ‘Why me?’ traps that lay aboutyour circumstances.You can be radiantly certain of this:Difficult circumstances areopportunities for you to intentionally focus your faith in God and to seewhat he will do to give you hope andhealing.

You can be radiantly certain of this:Difficult circumstances areopportunities for you to intentionallyfocus your faith in God and to seewhat he will do to give you hope and healing.

Random

2007-03-25T01:34:00.000+08:00

I miss someone. I miss that look he has when he has something important on his mind. I miss that special attention he gives when talking to people individually. I miss that smile upon his lips, that never seem to fade.

In short, I MISS CHARLESTON!!

hahahahahahahahaha. what were you guys thinking arhz? hahahahaha.

Agnetta misses people today.

Agnetta is tired.

Agnetta will win Gabriel Lee at hungry hippos.

EQ? haha

2007-03-21T22:59:00.001+08:00

Your EQ is 160

50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick!51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese.71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely.91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that.111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt.131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin.150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.

What's" Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

Gabriel, here's for you.

2007-03-09T13:09:00.000+08:00

Firstly, to Gabriel, here's the the post to you, so stop complaining that i dont update!! hahaz. and stop bullying me you monkey!! dont throw your bananas at me la. just eat them la you. and no nuts either i telll you. and im not going to die, coz you cant kill me. B L E H!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

hahaz. well, this post is really about school. imagine, it was just a few months back that we finished our O lvls and walked out of the school gate screaming it's over!! then next came the JAE results. then the posting. imagine, where DID all the time fly to? i imagned the 3months to crawl by, yet, look, and it's gone. so here i am stuck in MI [but that's a story for later.]

grr. hhaaz. i seem to always chop my stories half way. sorry to those reading, coz i am usually chased off, or i just get bored. usually the latter.

Well, cant really rmb much, well, also due to the fact that im lazy to think, but the most recent thing that happened is IGNITE YOUTH CONFERENCE!!!

just gonna copyright this from Gabriel's blog, [I've gotta pay him more more than 5 cents for this{hoGc if you understand please dont laugh out loud, laugh out really loud k.} haha]

10 things I learnt and was impacted from Ignite Conference 2007:-
1) To love God more, depend and rely more on Him
2) To love my pastors and leaders more, I'm more grateful to have great leaders like them
3) To rise and and be a great youth leader for God
4) To love others more, especially my sheep
5) To put myself in the shoes of others
6) To be excellent in everything I do for God, do my best in all that I have now
7) To have more faith and be confident of who I am in God's eyes
8) To stand and be bold, not to be intimidated and influenced by what isn't right
9) To appreciate the friends I have in church more
10) To know that there is no place like home

(:Reading between the lines... ((:

Gabriel, you're monkey and always will be a monkey.

But here's my ten things i've learnt:

1) Love my God more, for he is always there, even when you're in doubt.
2) Do not try and be a sales person. I will never succeed, neither will i succeed in getting t-shirts with the phrase more attached to it.
3) To appreciate our Pastors and Leaders, who have been with us all the way.
4) To appreciate what our pastors and leaders have taught us, knowing that they've come a long way to train us to be the cream of the crop.
5) To really rise up in usher and not let what we saw there make us contented with how we're doing already, but to really strive harder and know that we're really gonna be capable of being THE cream of the crop.
6) To give all my best to him, and to hold firm and stand strong.
7) To understand that I'm loved, no matter how far He might seem from me.
8) To stand firm and strong in what i believe in, and in this case, it's God!!
9) To really love the friends I've made in church, Kinonn, Gabriel, Leonard, and their just being there for me.
10) [this will be similar to Gabriel's] Knowing that there's no place like home!!

Well, i sort of had high expectations of Ignite, when info about Ignite came out and people were signing up for it. So, i signed up for it. I wanted to be there, but, so pathetically, i was the only person from my CG to attend all 3 days, other than Leonard, who was on Hospi cum EC. though not supposed to be any of the latter. The first night i was there, and as i walked into the cathedral grounds, i was massively disappointed. not, because the building was old, not because the place was difficult to get to. No, it was none of that. you wanna know what was the first thing that turned me off? TRAFFIC USHERS!! well, i know it might not mean alot to most of you, but, as a Heart of God usher, to me, it means alot. Firstly, you do not ever put 2 traffic ushers in the same spot!! YOU DONT NEED 2 TRAFFIC USHERS STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD!! especially when they're not even doing theire work and are talking amongst each other. Sermon that night was great though, however, with their first impression cum traffic team already failed, needless to say, traffic team in auditorium fare none better than those in the middle of the road, trying to be super heroes. HOGC was seperated into tiny groups all over. grr. irritating. so left with Me, Pam, Joanne, and Gerald in the middle of no where, with Chek Yao and some guys a couple of rows in front, and E zone a couple more rows behind. So, here comes tricky part. we as HOGC are used to answering pastors. hence, after not long, we were named th WOW church grrr. trying to be sarcastic eh? at least my pastors know im alive!! So, having been seperated, i was the only person from my area to shout wow, as Pam and Joanne were pretty tired. and people started looking at me. at least i answer my pastors, letting them know that i;m paying attention to what they're saying. there was this super annoyting group of people infron and behind of the 4 of us who were passing sweets from the front to the back, what in the world are you here for, not just that, they were talking. are you here for a conference or here to talk? if you wanna talk get out man. grr.

Second day morning!! hoGc was playing!! hahaz. all the HOGC youth rushed down to scream yell and cheer for our band!! those who are not that fond of jumping, made the extra effort to jump and support our band, and those like Kinonn and Gabriel who are the normal kind got super hyper. I know for one, Gabby was jumping sky high!!! woohoo!! hahaz. going mad. hahaz. Sermon by Pastor Pat was different, and as pastors and youth leaders laid hands on people, they started falling under the power of the holy spirit and crashing to the fall. likewise, topic goes back to ignite ushers. where were they? in front trying to get laid hands on. WHAT ABOUT THOSE PEOPLE FALLING DOWN!! where's your servant heartedness?? where's your caring about others? grrr. i saw a youth leader, guy, laying a girl down. I'm sure all HOGC see the wrong here. guy, girl. Youth pastor laying girl down. grr. to the extent that our own ushers initiaed themselves, like Sweet, who went around catching people. running around. imagine. after service, we went for lunch, went for lunch with B zone guys, kinonn, eric, melvin, zi ang. hahaz. Eric really showed me a totally diff side of him from what i knew. wow. hahaz. so we went back for Pastor Lia's session on Relationships. hahaz. [rolls eyes] hahaz. imagine, majority of the HOGC ppl are late. after that, got yelled at for going to Ignite. grr. then went fot the night session. the ushers there were being rude, and refused to open section C for us, as pastors wanted us to sit together. imagine closing 2 sections and trying to fit 1500 ppl into the space that can only fit 500. madness. so, when the opened section C, it took us some time to shift from section B to C. after that, Sab and i went around, initiating our a couple more of ushers to settle Our people down as during our normal services. Miracle. HOGC got settled down in less than 2 mins. amazing. this is the times when you think that HOGC is a divided, and here's when you see them come together as ONE CHURCH. The night session was a totally different experience, very weird, and just not something that any HOGC would be used to. It wasnt with the flow of what we're used to.

Last day of ignite. this time round, i only went for the last session. like wise, ushers were bad, as per usual, and well, sermon was awesome though. this is the last straw i think for any HOGC usher. as pastors and leaders went forward to get prayed for, we were asked to form lines behind our pastors. and as both our pastors werent' there, we decided to give the rest the space we needed. then next thing i knew, i was being pushed back, and i saw miaow guan pushing chairs back. i knew that there must be people on the floor already. so, i must say, this is the first time, i really went forward and did anything. well, maybe it's also coz i was infront. i was shifting books and bags, as i couldn't shift chairs. then we all stepped back. i was also asked to try and catch some of the girls, who were not from our church, as our male ushers could only catch the girls from HOGC. and you know what? the girl i was suppose to catch was taller than me. then again. where's ignite's ushers? why are WE catching THE congregation? our ushers initiated themselves, our church took the first leap forward. then they had some extra praises at the end of everything. repeat: praise songs. then let me ask: who jumps during the part of the song king of majesty that goes [king of majesty i have one desire] WHO JUMPS? a coupla us were just muttering to each other, they're just going crazy, treating this place like a disco. well, we exited fast, but thea was injured, so had to bring her back. and, THAT THE END OF IGNITE!!!! hahaz.

and here's to say, WE'RE GOING BACK TO DHOBY GHAUT FTMS HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! home sweet home!!! Im just gonna say, if this affected you, drop a comment, and not a tag. come direct to me, if you have any problems with this. in any case, it's my blog, my freedom of sppech. if you're not happy with me, you can always look for me..

To kinonn, Eric, Leonard and Gabby.
Thanks.

Agnetta.
140307

i miss you!!

2007-03-01T02:47:00.001+08:00

it's been 2 full weeks since i last posted. coz it's been 2 reports. hahaz. yeah. nothing much to write about actually. i've just been super busy!! hahaz. it's so super cool and so fun!! hahaz. but, just wanna say some things to some people:

"Jie":please know that we still love you k. no matter what.

my dearest qq: please dont dont dont you ever leave me behind.. it's so strange coming with you not there. please please please come back?

jewel the gem: hold strong and know that we're always here for you.

Gabriel: dont dont dont EVER cut your hair.

Lu: pray girl. pray for her.

that should be all people. i love my God, i love my Pastors and my leaders. and the people around me, and i LOVE MY LIFE!!! pray for our leaders, as Charleston is going in on the 15th! of march.. oh my. and Leonard's going in on the 12th of April. oh my. oh my. oh my. let's all pray they get 8-5 schedules..

Love,
Agnetta.
280207

Valentine's Day!

2007-02-15T01:42:00.000+08:00

You know what, it has been the best Valentine's ever for me. I know i said that last year when i went out, but this year far far FAR surpasses all of the previous years put together.

This Year's Valentine was spent with, you guessed it right. with Heart of God Church! If you're wondering if Im an Idiot to wanna spend time with Church and in Church, well, i just gotta say that i think you're the much bigger idiot!! hahaz. for NOT coming.

Well, church had a movie screening today, playing "the perfect man". As my friends were watching inside, i had to stay out to write a card for someone very important to me. They, the SA guys came. actually, only Jem Tan, Jem Ong, and Danny. hahaz. So, had to talk to them hahaz. though i was only halfway through the card that i was making for Jem Tan. So, had to distract them from me. hahaz. then went in with them to watch but had to sneak out. hahaz. Im always so busy!! but you know what!!!???!!! i love every single minute of it!! hahaz. so after the show, I'd finish with the card, prayed over the book, and kept it. hahaz. then we met up and went for dinner, thoough transition was much longer. coz everyone was waiting for me. or so they said they were. hahaz. though i dont know why. hahaz. So we went for dinner. really love spending time with all of them especially Jem Tan!!! hahaz he can set me off laughing by my just thinking of his face. Yet, it also really warms my heart to know that i could do something to change him. Jem Ong is also fun. hahaz. That Lizard man. hahaz. he calls me violent girl. so i call him lizard man. coz he does look likt a lizard!! hahaz.

So, after dinner, went home with Pam, Jem Tan and Danny. So, here's coming my valentine pressies. No.1, from Jem Tan!! hahaz. it was nothing tangible, but it proved a god present as it was to exhibition of shock and surprise as i passed him his present.! He so did not expect it from me! hahaz. that look!! hahaz. and Jem, it's no problem for me. Second pressie was from Danny. Nothing tangible again, but it was when we were walking to the bus interchange, when i was sharing th gospel with him. About Mud wrestling and Cleansing water. It was his questioning and receptiveness that lifted my day.

Who cares about getting tangible Valentine's Day presents?You mean, you'd only love someone on Valentine's Day and none other? And does this also mean that you'd shower them with Presents and love only on this "special" day?

Now i know that the true understanding of Giving is much more rewarding than recieving. I'll tell you what tangible present i recieved. It's actually a rose from Nadine. i think she made it herself. [it's a paper rose, if you're thinking anything.] As i rushed the card for Jeremy, i felt the sense of urgency, but not ont of Panic. As i gave the book away, i felt more glad than when i recieved anything [i usually feel a heart pain when giving things away coz they are usually expensive.] As i walked with Danny to the Bus interchange, we talked alot, and shared alot. what goes on is strictly between us and the leaders only. hahaz. well, it was his openess [if there is such word] that was THE great Valentine's Day present. To give out the Gospel so freely and so openly without restrictions is a wonderful gift. I know truely understand the meaning of giving and not just recieving. and i must say this to all those who recieved more than they gave, i must say, you really should give more. just like me!! hahaz i stayed up till late to make cookies for church. hahaz. and they were made with loads and loads of love, making them so much more nicer than normal cookies!! i think sister evelyn would agree with me!! hahaz.

Well, anyway, just one last footnote you all, Happy Valentine's day and remember to love your Loved ones not just on Valentine's day k..

With Love..

14th February
Agnetta.

junky stuff.

2007-02-13T01:05:00.000+08:00

wed was a pretty boring day if i dont remember wrongly. hahaz unless i went for Follow up with leonard. which i really can remember. i think i did. then came thurs which i cancelled my work coz of my pineapple tarts. then cam friday for my results. I went into a state of shock at it. i got 17 for r4 only. haiz. cried. called leonard, cried somemore, talked to Joakim, Melvyn and daryl and cried somemore. they hugged me and made me cry somemore. haiz.

then came Sat. went to church. almost late for CG. haiz. CG WAS SO AWESOME!! hahaz. though i had to forfeit twice. hahaz. nvm i still did my forfeit. hahaz. i was sporting. hahaz. me, eugene and von had to blow tissue in the air. hahaz. diaox. hahaz. that was the first game. then me all the poeple with names starting with A kenna to sing national athem outside in the cafe area. hahaz. so maluating. hahaz. well, maybe not. hahaz. people in church are so sporting that they didnt laugh [well, they did who wouldnt] but they clapped along with us. hahaz. really love you all heart of God. well, i didnt find it maluatin. though i think some did. :P well, that's for CG. then went for lunch. actually more of bought back. CG attendance was pretty lousy as most of the Innova people were coming on Sunday due to their Funfair being held on sat. then later went for dinner. went to meridien, then realised that i didnt have cash on me. so had to borrow from Jem. wanted to borrow from Jem ong, then he didnt have enough so Jem tan took back his 10 bucks, returned it to him and took out 10 from his wallet and passed it to me. hahaz. he's a really nice guy k. dont you anyhow talk about him arhz. then went back to play foosball. hahaz. but someone really demoralised me by being super emo. it was really so demoralising. i didnt know what to do that night. haiz. but when u reached home, i was online and talking to that person. on the way home i was actually thinking to myself.[me Pamela and Samanthan shared a cab back. and they were sleeping. i think everyone was tired.and i couldnt sleep.] was i too something to the extent that people didnt want to talk to me about anything? so when i reached home, i actually wanted him to msg me when we got home, but he didnt, so i had to disturb him about it. then he told me alot of things. then it hit me. God kept the best for me, just as Jesus kept the best wine for last when it ran out. it really broke my heart to hear so many things from him, i didnt expect to. but well, it really help renew his relationship with God, and i'd not have given up the conversation we had for anything.

come Sunday. had usher. and woke up late, coz i was sick haiz. so cab down. though i was suppose to go to ZK's church. so was late by abit. then usher yada yada. then service started. this is the first week that the neither pastors were around. so, our leaders took charge. Dominic, Garrett and Charleston!! hahaz. it's so inspiring to see charleston and the rest rise up. to really lead the church. and it also shows us how much effort the pastors and leaders have out in to bring up such a good church to the extent that we dont need to have the pastors with us. then finish usher. STOCK CHECK!!!! hahaz. really alot of things to count. hahaz and all of us were hungry, so me and alumn got Pam to buy food back for us. hungry hungry. then talking to kinnon and the rest.really love spending time with HOGC man. hahaz. then kinnon made this comment. "drums without skills is noise. Drums with skills is alot of noise!" hahaz. good one. hahaz. then my sister came hahaz. then she went for dinner with Ester they all. then i was talking to Charleston. Feels really good man, judgin by the fact that Charleston doesnt really have much time kind then she came back and were playing foosball hahaz. then me and her were playing, so charleston joined us. he was playing with me. hahaz. then jian ming oso came. hahaz he complain we bully rytha hahaz. so he played with her against us. hahaz!!! hahaz it's really so awesome to spend time with the leaders lorz. it feels really really Good.!!! hahaz. Charleston and myself won the first match, but lost the second one to Jianming and Rytha. though we missed by one point. hahaz. i must say that playing with Charleston is really fun and really uplifting due to the fact that we dont really spend much time with our leaders and they dont have much time to spend with us. really glad to have spent so much time with Charleston. =)

Well, that should be all i think hahaz. so, good night everyone.

12.02.07
Agnetta.

New year...... and new month also

2007-01-07T21:52:00.000+08:00

I know. it's one week past New year. I just haven't had time ti post anything actually. I've been caling people up, bursting my phone bill for this, askin people out, working my arse off, going to church, [nothing bad to say bout that] and not getting enough sleep. For once, I'm not able to sleep for someone else other than myself. hahz.

Well, New Year!!!!!
1st: Create and Heart Awards!!
2nd: work at home. sianz.
3rd: brought my bro to school and yada yada.
4th. work at woodlands.
5th:got my cupboard done, or measured more like. Called some guys up to go watch movie on sat.
6th: work in the morning. went to church. suppose to watch movie but canceled coz JS not free. then went to serangoon to celebrate cousin's bdae.

7th: toda's my mom's birthday. bought her a apple strudel which served as her cake.

OKIE..
I'm going to stop here since i didn't post since seriously long time ago, msybe just want in the mood. hahaz.

But, the thing i really wanna blog about is hahaz, you're going to think this is so weird. hahaz. It is [watching the ASEAN CUP finals, Singapore Thailand match in church with the guys.] hahaz. i was the only girl there as i didnt want to go home early that night. so i waited, and ended up in the auditorium watching with the guys. and i was like th only girl. Though, i can say this, it really is an experience. When Singapore scored their last goal, the guys in front stood up and cheered. and i must tell youm church guys are pretty tall. hahaz. they like blocked half my screen. well, i wasn't really paying attention. hahaz it's just cause they just shouted goal. hahaz, and when i looked up, half my view was blocked by Ivan in front. He's like 185. totally a giant compared to me, bit, well, it's ok. hahaz. I'm secure. hahaz I'm cute. hahaz. Well, that shout was what caught me attention then. hahaz. we watched till it passed the 90 mins mark and everyone in the Audi was yelling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously loudly. hahaz. Pastor How actually came and watched with us for awhile too. hahaz. The best part of it was atually after the match. hahaz. when all the atmosphere [in church] had settled down already, they were showing all the players and one of the singapore players had a singlet that he had on [he took off his shirt] and on it read :[JESUS LOVES ME]!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahaz. all of us stood up, clapped and cheered and yelled!!! hahaz. how true how true. Jesus does love him. hahaz. it was so refreshing to see something like that on international TV. I'm sure that all who watched the match in HOGC would agree with me on that too. After that i went home.

Well, if anyone was wondering why I so dislike going home is due to the negativity at home. The previous night before, i came home a little pass my 11 curfew. [i have a good reason for that i was with an integration who was waiting for his bus as we left church around 10
+.] by the time i reached home was 11+ and my mom was nagging for me bursting the curfew. I was alright with it, coz i understood where she was coming from. what i could not stand was when she said this to me:"it's the church that's stupid" i actually said something before that but i cant really remember what. so i had opened the fridge, and i was holding on to a metal bar. All of you should know that a metal bar in the fridge will be cold right, so as i held on i answered back:" then isn't that indirectly calling me stupid?" And her reply to that was:"when you're with them, yea" I was holding on to a cold metal bar. when i heard her reply, my hand froze over. i was colder than the bar i was holding on to. I didn't want to let go and close the fridge to see her. Next was my sister. I brought her to church and she got saved. I heard it from Leonard, Ivan P., Peishan and Ester. So i told her, why go get a Japanese class? she said i dont wanna go. thinking it was the jap class which couldnt be, i asked her where hse didnt wanna go. she said: "dun wanna go church lorz. every week go there" i was so angry i just said to here i know you raised up your hands during the altar call. her reply to that was: "i just raise up my hand only what" I was so angry i almost slapped her. all i could say was if you wanna do something, do it sincerely not just because you feel like. She replied with something i couldn't here, or maybe i didnt want to hear. Lastly came my dad. I asked him [while controlling my temper at my sister] whether he was using my attic. i was very nice about it too. with the fact i was angry. he said why? i said i needed to make a call, :" to who?" my leaders. he got angry with me!!!!!!!!!! for what!!!???
what did i do????? he just yelled at me:"those people are controlling your life!!!" i was msging an integration and i couldnt even be bothered to look at him anymore. All i did was keep all my things that i had taken out of my bag and out them all back in, went to my room, closed and double locked my door. Perhaps smoke was issuing from my head already. hahaz, i dont know, but it really felt like. So i called Leonard, we were suppose to have a conference about the CG attendance on sunday, which was the day of the Finals of the Asean Cup. I called him 10 mins before the conference and i was THIS close to crying... wonderful..

Well, fast forward to monday, since Sunday is already gone. just a joke, we had 3 people for sunday service! hahaz imagine that!! 3!!!!! hahaz. Well, monday monday.. I went to work. i was suppse to shadow JOn in school in the morning, but i really couldnt. felt like dying. hahaz So, went to work with Amol at 2-4..Leefang was there. can die sia. then rushed down to Woodlands to work on Ashwin. A more productive one, and i will not drop him coz Pastor How preached on not turning of the fire, and he's like at 98% already, so im not turning off the fire. hahz. after that, went to SSS! Singapore Sports School. hahaz. To watch SAJC play soccer against SSS. well, the score was 5-1. It was trashed. Well, they are the national team under 15 yeah, so.. well..nothing can be said.. hahaz. well, SA scored!!! and that 's 2 days in a row i watched soccer. hahaz. weird.. And Jem Tan bluff us larz. hahaz, Jem, if you're reading this, this's for you. hahaz. you bluff me larz. say alot of people going. hahaz. so, i didnt really wanna go alone, so i got xueli to go with me. Thank goodness i did. hahaz. Coz.............. we were the ONLY!!!!! get that.. ONLY Saint Andrews supporters there. ....-.-" hahaz. then pam came late, so Xueli had to go "pick her up" from the front gate. hahaz. so i was left alone. hahaz. But all in all it was a good game. Jeremy Ong played well, for the first half then started slacking.. i think all of them got demoralized.. hahaz. Kuoloon played really well too. hahaz. Yi Jie didn't play, coz of injury. Dany played second half. hahaz Jiahui didnt play. i think jing hui didnt play as well hahaz. But, we did have fun after the match when we went for dinner. hahaz. Jiahui and his magic tricks. hahaz. and jeremy and his crappiness. hahaz. it really took the demorality[i dont even know if this is a word.] out of everyone. ha. really had loads of fun with them. the SA bunch is super fun to be with man... Jiahui also. hahaz farny arhz jiahui. the story was that one of them actually used a vulgar word and jiahui went: "hey hey here got christian arhz, shh larhz.. holy ground holy ground." hahaz. Although meant as a joke, i think Jiahui was really nice to say about that. he really stopped the guys from using language man. hahaz. well done Jiahui!! =)

Now about today.. Well, i didn't sleep early last night, that's all i can say. hahaz. but still had to wake up early. haiz. went to shadow my brother. hahaz. then went to work: Amol, then went for CG with D4. well, it really is my moment man. hahaz. last night i was really tired, so i did a shorter QT, and i remember saying, God, please let me not be late for CG with D4. by your miracles. This morning, Amol's mom msged me and said, hey we have an open slot today, would you llike to come earlier? hahaz!!! God indeed delivers, all you need is FAITH!!! i have it. do you? hahaz. so, i went to work, then went for CG. only problem of the morning was that my mom seemed to be blowing every problem on me! she said that no one was able to help my brother.. and here i am helping other kids but not my own brother. Does she think that i feel bad about not having anyone do Jon too? then it's also my fault that i can't shadow him all the way because i put other kids in front of my own brother. If this was in a work senario, which do you think is more important? i couldnt tell her i was going for CG after work, hence i had to push forward my work. Well, it was coz the therapist of that day was sick and no one could take my brother for today, and when i went home i founf out that tml's therapist actually had a slot open for today, so she came. God delivers. what does she not see??? Well, back to CG. i got to know some new people, and also to know some people whom i knew already, better. Fifi was preaching today. She's pretty good. =) farny too. hahaz.And we were disturbing Darryl Seah, coz he tore his school shorts trying to kick someone. hahaz so now we know Darryl's secrets. hhaz. The CG comprised mostly of Cat high guys. hahaz. farny bunch or people man.. and everyone's so shocked i have sized two feet. hahaz. Jun Jie was like "oh and her shoe size is two.." i was laughing. and everyone else went HUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAZ. so they were like realy anot.. so Fifi asked me to stick out my leg. hahaz. and they were comparing my feet size to one of their friend's hand size. hahaz i think he's hand will be bigger than my feet, since Alumn's hand's already the size of my foot. hahaz. and theyh were like: " wa how you buy shoe sia" hahaz. it's fun to be the centre of attraction sometimes. hahaz.. but CG was cool and very fun. =) really had alot of fun with the guys. hahaz. there were only 7 girls. hahaz including Fifi. hahaz. in short, CG with D4 plus Ongah, Minghan and Liz was fun.. hahaz. cool... and totally awesome!!
hahaz.. then played foosball with ongah. cant defend and attacked so so only. hahaz. it's fun to play with them. it's so entertaining. hahahahaz. to watch is also fun. hahaz after that, went for dinner with huiqi, jacky, lucinda and 2 others i dont know, hahaz. then bounced, and went back home hahaz. and here i am.
hahaz.

Well that's just an update. for now at least. people, plan your life k.. like me. hahaz. Routines! and Process!!FOCUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hahaz, that should be all people, pray for me for my results k? thankz. hahaz.

Love,
Agnetta.
060207
[It's a New Year!!!]

Create and Heart Awards!!! Heart of God Church Rawks people!!!

2007-01-02T01:05:00.000+08:00

NEW YEAR!!

2006-12-29T01:05:00.000+08:00

I actualy wanna pick this out from another close friend's blog. Do the friends you make in school or anywhere else for that matter really care? But then why is it so, that they can always go, Hey, miss you so much man. And when you say, hey, are you free one of these days, come with me to church man. And their typical confirmed totally predictable answer is, ermz see how first bah. and they never see how. pastor made this joke about it. why not come to church and See pastor How! hahaz. so seriously. i think it's time you ask yourself. what kinda friend are you really? If you can truely say, hey miss or love you to someone else, you wouldn't mind once in a while accepting her invitation to come to church do you.

Well, it does it turn bring us to the topic of the up and coming NEW YEAR!!!

So. wanna be like every other normal ordinary person whom [ i still don't understand why like to stand in big crowds and do stupid meaningless things] star at the upcomign fireworks at marina waterfront on the 31st of december awaiting for the countdown? Or do you want to be DIFFERENT! UNCOMPROMISING! and TOTALLY NOT NORMAL! for new year?

Wanna avoide those crowds where you have to squish and squash your way through and in the end only get half a glimspe of whats going on? Wanna keep your cash to yourself and avoid pick pockets? Wanna stop people "accidently" on purposely bumping into you?

Wanna find some place where you can have sure fire FUN! and none of the above?

SIMPLE! Come with me to HEART OF GOD CHURCH on new years eve! stunning dances, invoking testimonies, and also the chance to make super alot of new friends? [friends who actually do care and dont just send miss you and love you messages for the sake of doing it]

Parkview Square on New years eve, 31st december. lets do a different countdown this year people. Don't be so boring, like everyone else outside yeah? 9pm -1am. Its overnight. Of you love to party? Heart of God Church is THE place for you this new years eve.

Did i mention that our pastor is only 36, not some seriously old man who bores people to sleep? And did i mention that the church has NO stained glass windows, and NO big big CROSS?!? Yup. there you have it. The uncompromising, the weird and the totally DIFFERENT Heart of God Church.

So? are you coming? or are you gonna be some old bore like everyone else, standing outsied watching the same old fireworks year after year? [oh and imagine something else. what if it rains? well, parkview square is shelterd if you wanna know.]

So, people. Its your choice.

Make your choice.
You got me convinced Ernest.
Agnetta.
281206.

Stuffs.

2006-12-26T00:15:00.000+08:00

Wow, i just got discipled on christmas day. well done to me man. about what? Respect. Nice.
Respect. What is it actually about anyway? Can i say that i've hardly experience Respect at home? Nephews Nieces, Uncles aunties, Cousins, etc etc. So many. Yet no heck of a respect. I mean, it's ok if you poke fun at people for the fun of it but you never know when it might hurt a person. isn't this what's always been happening to me?
I have never been good enough for people to respect me. When i greet my uncles and aunts, all i get is a curt nod in return, and they're not even looking in my direction. And yet they call out toward those who sit in front of the TV and have no idea that they're there. Don't they have the "respect" to answer me back a hi? Nephews. Nieces. Aren't they one generation younger and also suppose to be respecting towards elders by age and authority? What gives. Do they? I can't say about my parents, coz i haven't seen anyone really respect their parents yet, so i don't really know this word respect. Respect : esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability. That's the real thesaurus meaning of respect.
Seriously, i didn't mean to do the things i do, or say the things i say. I 've just been falling back into my old habits. So sorry, to whomever i might have offended. [This was the case that landed me a discipleship today.]
I understand the fact [Correction is not rejection], that doesn't stop it from not hurting though. Putting the phrase in better light would be the fact that if the person didn't care a heck about me, they wouldn't have discipled me. So, it seems that someone cares. Well, like i said, it doesn't stop the hurt. I know where the person is coming from, i see myself from there too. The problem was that i didn't catch myself doing it until it was over.
I don't know if it's some factors leading up to it, but, to the extent that i was so unaware. _______. [sigh]. I'm just afraid that the pendulum will swing again.

Well, since the Bangkok trip, i've been going for my therapy training. Haven't been sleeping enough, lack of food. Training for 3 days, then my mom decided to tell everyone in the group to hesitate to take me because i'm going back to school. Great. now i work 8 hours a week. with two indian kids. Not that i have anything against them, but i encountered problems in my sec school years with Indians and left them for the good only to travel one big round and come back here. Well, my monthly pay is like 640. wonderful. no money no nothing. Decorated Leonard's card after taking it from JS at compass on sat. Slept at three.
Christmas eve. Baked a cake for the pastors with 3 guys. afvice to those who wanna bake cakes, don't ask Leonard, Pan or Alvin. ask alton better. haha. they were tying to eat my cake before the even made it. yea. we took a cab down to bugis, went to buy cream after meeting Ruifa for the cake. Service was awesome that day. And I'm so proud of Ruifa! wow. he was praising and worship God. The Ruifa i know usually isn't like that. And he's coming back again!! haha. After that, went home for "christmas dinner" as well as my Grandpa's birthday. Really hataed that. Can you imagine your younger nephews and nieces disregarding you feelings and only caring about themselves, that they may be better than you in any way possible? Your cousins not treating you as an equal but as a low caster? Your aunts and uncles treating you as an invisible piece of wall? Felt this way before? Ever had your entire family think you just diappeared over the face of this earth? My uncles and aunts went to China and came back that night. My cousins went to help their parents get luggage, so that's one. I deliberately went over to call my aunts and uncle. All i recieved was an uh. There's a total of 7 of us. who's parents did not go to china. Me, Rytha, Nathan Jon, Colin, Mandy and Aaron. I called my aunts and no body could bother to ask abut how i was. But, wow. they went straight to my nephews and niece [ wa colin, this this this. Wa Mandy, that that that. Wa Aaron. this that this that.] Then it was Jon. Jon JOn... Then Nathan. Talk loads. Then they'd ask. where's rytha arhz? No body gave a S%#$ about me. Why did i even bother to come home for christmas? WHY!?!?!?!?! someone tell me WHY! freaking respect? if i didnt have it for them i would have loitered till christmas day before i went home. some christmas presents anyway. Useless stuff considered a luxury. What i wanted, nobody gave. What do or did i want? a NKJV bible. that's it. And i get all kinds of other stuff people think is nice, or somewhat needed. Some christmas. Had to write Christmas cards then go shower. slept at 4.
Christmas day. Went to park view square for usher. slept only 5 hrs. had to arrange 800++ chairs. had to stand at ther door to take attendance. and i almost fell asleep during service. that was how tired i was. After service, gave out impression slips. Pack all the stuff in usher room, and then got discipled. Great christmas. Wonderful. Just awesome. Not trying to be sarcastic or what, it has been a wonderful christmas, for real. the best ever actually. Just the few little nicks here and there.

Well, I'm tired. I've been tired since i started typing. Why not sleep then right? Good question. But i just had to let everything out. The hurt, the problems, the factors, etc etc. The heart aches, the hardest pain to cure. Paracetemol is not gonna help too. Well, I'm going to pray on this. I've not been so drained for long. Emotionally, physically and mentally. Gosh. what's happening!!!???!!!???!!! ARGH!!!

The idiosyncratic, the blessed, the nonchalent, the beautiful, the gregarious
Happy birthday Ongah and Jesus.
Agnetta.
251206

my work again.

2006-12-22T00:31:00.000+08:00

Remember i posted that i'd be working as a therapist? well, i will i will i will. haha. at that point of time, i wasn't quite sure if parents would want me working for their kid, first factor, i'm still young, [rolls eyes], second factor, i'd be starting school soon. And it didn't help much that i was not there for the first two therapy days too. I was in bangkok shopping. haha. So, natural assumtions. Mr Wong will kill me for Assuming. so, well, i only did two families today. Yuan Ling and Amol.

Yuan Ling's taking 3 sessions with me Monday to Wednesday 12.30 -2.30. So, that's a first. Amol's parents wanted a twenty hour week with me. I don't know if i died and went to hell or died and flew to heaven. One thing was that i appreciated the fact that i was wanted by these two families having only seen me today. But twenty hours will most likely kill me, so Lee Fang [my trainer] decided to intervene and get me to do 5 sessions per week with him.

One session, is actually two hours. and per hour is a pay of $20. How will i ever be able to turn down this kinda job offer. moreover, it's going to allow me to go further ahead than everyone around me, it happens all the time. Wow. However, it's going to be a long year ahead. I'm going to try and do more in church [my mom will kill me kinda thing. she says i'm spending too much time in church.], Gotta start school. If i can get into Innova, good for me. but if not, it's either private or redoing the O's. Either way, i still get to work. But.

It's going to be a tough desicion giving up or taking. but, God delivers. So, we'll see how and what God wants me to do. hahaz.

Agnetta.
211206.

Miracles.

2006-12-18T01:46:00.000+08:00

Heyz, back again. well, this time after not long for i have a mission. to be one of the 400++ youths of our church to bring new friends to our church so that the total no. that comes to parkview square on christmas Eve is 1200!! A challenge? yes so but God gives us challenges to make us strong.
Now, I have Wendy S., Geraldine, Janice, Ruifa [all currently unconfirmed] Wendy used to be from CHC untill he left due to politics. I know hoGc will not be political. I can genuinely say that with trust of the people in our church.
Well, i last posted on Tuesday night, 12,12,06. Things do happen. Aand who says miracles can't happen within days of each other? Life itself is already our miracle. Anyway, It happen on thursday when Leonard msged me to come for the last day of VBS because he feels God has a word for me. At 7AM IN THE MORNING!!! WHY ARE YOU UP SO EARLY LEONARD!!!???!!! yeah. then JS called me at 9+ to ask if i was coming for the last day of VBS. I was groggy and can't remember what i said. Leonard called me soon after like 15 mins after. To tell me " i really think you should come today. i realy feel God has a word for you." OK OK!! i get it, I'm coming!! Don't you people sleep!!!???!!! argh. then JS called again. ARGHZ!!! then Pan called at 10 to ask me the same question again. you coming for VBS? yes, Yes, YES!!! how can i not since Leonard called me lerz. So donw to church i went.
I don't regret my going. Throughout the Word, i was writing writing writing. copying cpoying copying. coz leonard said " you should pay attention in the Word today k?" I'm like ermz ok fine. So, nothing really happened till closing. Wwe were asked to kneel down and pray and worship. So we did. And i was kneeling ad worshiping and CRYING!! i didn't even know why!!! And i was one of the last few up. wow. so after service Leonard came up to me to ask what God's word was. I was having so much difficulty describing it. Well, thankfully he understood. I was shaking like mad. well, realy don't know what happen too. So he and i were talking about what happen. Then supposed to go for revival but couldn't since i had to go home early. so went for dinner with Aalvin and Sharon.
Come Friday. I was suppose to go for revival meeting at 6.30. i was almost late since i left my house at 6. from my house to church usually takes a good 25 mins. so that day i prayed. that i wouldn't be late. and A thought flashed. I will not. wow. ok. so Friday evening. Note. Friday Evening. CTE was clear all the way. hahaz. i was there in 10 mins. Friday evening clear highways? a miracle upon itself. hahaz. so there i was for revival which was about the waves of urfing and the Waves of Christianity. Aand then Pastor Lia asked for people to be prayed for. I went in front!! hahaz. I loved being prayed for. hahaz. So i was like the first ten down and when paetor lia reached me, i felt my energy sucked away from me. I was leaning on Pasotor Lia's arm which was around me as she whispered to me. I could not feel my own strength. So she let me down and i was caught by the security personel and usher crew who were there. and i was th last. LAST up. wow. what Pastor Lia said to me i've told Leonard but dont think i should tell anyone else so.... And i just laid there. I wanted to get up. Wwell, my spiritual and physical self couldnt get up. i mean i wanted to get up but my body wouldn't respond.! For real! I know i could have broken the spiritual and physical binds with my mind but i didnt. So, i was so shocked when i saw that i was the last one up. Then after that, was praise. After that Leonard came up to me and Hey How are you? You ok? What went on. So we were juts talking about it. And he prophesied that i my being in church was not going to be mediocre but i was going to go far. Wow. Thanks for believing in me Leonard. Even i didn't think so far and Big myself. So after that, i had to rush off to meet my aunt to watch movie. Dejavu. Apt eh. sheesh. So , quite nice larz. Then went for dinner. at mac. then went back to her place via cab. i was using the com till late. then showered. the was around 3 i wanted to sleep. then i thought hey. i should do quiet time. so took out my ipod, praise song worship song, prayer then worship song again. AND AFTER THAT I COULDN'T SLEEP!!! haiz. i learnt my lesson. Don't attempt QT at 3 in the morning.
Saturday, woke up at 11. not enough sleep man. groggy. went for lunch then left for church. was almost late AGAIN!! haiz. this time during service i was so different from before don't know why but i was more caring about the people around me than me for once. wow. If you know me before i accepted and now that i have, you'd know i'm pretty different. I mean it's to such and extent that i can even tell so myself. wow. They went to catch a movie while i went home to pack. haiz. should have gone for the movie. didn't start packing till those that went for the movie came home. hahaz.
Sunday!!Leaving for Bangkok. haiz. hungry and tired. shop eat and then shop again. hahaz. i love shopping with my mom you know why? COZ SHE PAYS. woots. haaz. So, then went to Suan Lum night bazzar to shop again. there was this really nice cross i wanted to buy. which in the end i did after so so so much consideration. haiz. 2 crosses actually. She paid too. hahaz. So went back to hotel, bathed and did my QT again. this time at 1+ bangkok time. didn't sleep till 5+ walao. hahaz. So during that time, i decided to read the bible. NKJV. then as i closed it for the first time, this verse flashed in my head. Mark 6:12. [so they went out and preached that people might be saved.] wow. don't understand yet. but. then at 3:16 in the morning i was reading the book of John. hahaz John 3:16.
Monday. nothing much other my family went to temple to pray. [rolls eyes] i didnt though. i took pics. thankfully my dad didn't force me to. then went shopping at chinatown. bought loads of stuff. then went to MBK to shop. haahaz. bought alot of shirts too. hahaz. other than that, nothing much lerz. hahaz. Marcus[winifred's bro] and i were talking about bangkok and he was like "even though i'm a guy and hardly shop, MBK IS A MUST GO!" hahaz. coming from marcus, it sounds farny.

Anyway, just wanna thanks a few impt people.
1. Leonard [For your guidance through this phrase of uncertainty and questions. and also for you ttime and energy you gave to make me feel equally impt in mental and spiritual. THANKYOU!!]
2. Xueli [For the little gossip we shared when you dropped me off at the MRT. we'll continue talking about you know who ya. hahaz]
3. Sharon [ yes jie. hahaz. though you're still younger than me hahaz. love you loads gerl. love me too yar.]
4. Alton [for all those songs. anymore? i'm alittle greedy. hahaz.]
And also to my pastors and the security personel and usher crew that caught me. Thanks.

Mark 6:12
Agnetta.
181206.

God..

2006-12-12T23:34:00.000+08:00

Let's begin the story with the sunday after the ABA therapy. I went to church for service. Know what? I hadn't gone to church for service since the 22nd of Oct. yup. not nov. but oct. well, wasn't really in the mood as i was kinda in a i don't think i shpould be here kinda mood. So, went for meeting with Leonard. Turns out i was the only one from C1 having the meeting. freaked me out. thought what i was wanted for. well, no big thing anyway. it was to get people to come from chong boon to church. So after that, met GG, GC, jian sheng and Pam for dinner.Then went to get Icecream from Gelare. No one else wanted though. JS say's he'll go broke going out with me. hahaz. and i found out that GC's from malaysia. and she'd go back every night. problematic eh.

Monday morning. Went to the new Ikea Mega Mall. And now i know why tey call it a mega mall. Big and huge cannot describe it. WOW. So mom and i were walking around [i shop with my mom k. so she'll pay. haha.]and next thing i knew was that we bought new cupboards. haha. Two in fact. almost killed me trying to get it out of the shelf in Ikea. Yet, stared assembling the board only at around 11 PM. yup. you read right. at night. so we smashed, hammered and screwed till 1+. and i slept at like 2. walao... and i had usher for VBS today.

Well, technically, i cant come for VBS. PO. but mom agreed to let me go for usher. weird? yes i know. so morning. reached at 9. like few mins late though. so pack pack shift shift. and this time is not altitude doing ushering, though it was suppose to be Big doing. it consisted of Big, Altitude, and some other. we were brought from different groups to mix and blend. met some new people, experienced some new things [ next passage] achieved some things i never expected to be able to achieve. so we were arranging chairs. i'm like getting really good at that. haha. so zhi xiang and the rest of us were done with like 300 chairs in 45 mins!!! record. hahaz. even altitude hasn't done that. Shanny's going to kill me. hahaz. for ribbing altitude. hahaz. well, as seperate teams we seemed to not be able of doing it, but there was some real team work and coordination going on. and i must say chew ting [2i/c for Big, and coordinator for day] was impressed too!! hahaz. so, i did go for VBS today. technically. hahaz. we watched brave heart. and did quiet time, and watched a movie about some pastor preaching. Very well done. but hui min, xinhui and i were really sleepy though. And me and Xinhui couldn't sleep coz shanny was behind us. argh... tired and hungry. some like me hadn't eaten since last night. we had a break at 2. but had to do ushering so no time to eat. thought was going to have break after wards but never cant. thought service would end at 5? thought wrong again. ARGH. sso, well, Pastor How went up and asked us to speak and allow the holy spirit to talk to us, as the video was about batism in the holy spirit. So, thought. that's the next story. Later paired up to help someone pray. i prayed for Xinhui and she for me. God told her to tell me, i may have been back stabbed, and hurt, but God will always be there for me. and that if anything i could always seek him and if not, the church and it's people. and she was so spot on. I never told her i was from somewhere which backstabbed and hurt me. This proves, God exists. and He told me to tell her that her faith was faltering and He wants her to know that even though He could not be seen, he will always be there. And that she is capable of bigger things than she has done or is doing now. and i was right too!! WOW~!!!!!!

Now for the story which i said impacted me. The holy spirit spoke to me. As we were doing quiet time, i was just trying. k. i never really paid much heed to it actualy. till today. i decided to try. So i prayed. for strength and deliverance. I prayed for Him to give me courage to stand up and Breakthrough of my cocoon and emerge a butterfly. I prayed for ability to help the special children he put intho those loving families. and so in turn help their family to see their special children as a blessing and not a curse. And i prayed for chance to shine. then i heard a voice. not mine this time. It said, you can do it already. so go ahead and achieve big dreams. I was in rapid shock. as everyone else was stil doing quiet time, i didn't stand up or disrub. so i just sat there. after service, i went to find Pan, to tell him i'm not going for Joy's birthday party. then when i walked in, i saw weijie. Being my leader, i thought that i should tell him what is going on with me in any sense since he really cares about me. So, i told him. And he told me, that i would be used by God more as my ability was my speech. i was able to talk and persuade people to come and love and grow in God's mercy and Love. And after that, i saw Leonard and Jiansheng. I told then what happened too. Leonard seem to know that that was the first time He spoke to me. Leonard also told me some advice. That i was a strong girl. and i was going to be used by the lord. Looks like I was put in church for a reason. to help God and the church. I had never been able to talk to Weijie about these things before. and now, it's like i'm a whole new person. I never favoured talking to people i'm new to about these things too but here i am, telling leonard. God exists to help change lives, as he changed mine.

Whoever is reading this blog of mine now, i challenge you to be come to Heart of God church [you can meet me and go together] saturdays {4-6pm} Sunday {adult service 10am-12pm, youth service 2-4pm} For more details, you can always ask me for information. Pick up this challenge for those who do not believe in christ and see what God can do to change your life.

I hear you lord.
Agnetta.
121206.

Love???

2006-12-11T01:08:00.000+08:00

You know, whenever i see people getting attached or see people of themselves and their boy or girlfriends in their pictures. I get jealous. WTH. even i think i'm mad for getting jealous. Is it because i want that guy to like me instead? like that's madness purer than what it originally was.

Is it cause i need someone there for me? Someone who can just be there all the time? Someone to call my own? Then i see. there is. There's God. You might not believe. you might scorn. so what? i know what i hold firm to. God's there for me. maybe not physically, but at least he is there for me in mind. I cannot say that he has been there for me 100%. but then again, maybe i wasn't looking hard enough.

Well, back to ther original topic or BGR photos. i want someone to call my own. to be there for me. then there is church. who will always be there for me. With Sharon, Winifred, Xueli, Pam, Jiansheng, Pan, etc etc.

When i see pics of Jas and Amy. i get jealous because i once loved him but... then i see deeper into those pics, i think. what has jasper become? in his relationship with Amy, has he ended up worst that he was before? either way, i wish the two luck in their relationship.

Then seeing further? Jas is a reminder of where i once came from. a reminder of who i once was, and who i might have one day become. Thankfully, i am out of there, and not in that pit hole.

I might still get jealous that there's no one here for me. but God delivers, doesn't he? Yes i long for someone to be here for me. Here and Now. It might not be jasper, not _______, nor_____. Jessica has tried match making me to whichever whoever. but then? hahaz.

I know where i want to go. I don't want to be samson and end up loving delilah. Loving the wrong man for the wrong reasons. I want my dreams to blow big. with dreams come decisions, dedication and then discipline. To love will cut my dreams. so is it to dream or to let this heart decide? damn i'm at this stupid cross road again. I want my road to Eshtaol. and i never want to end up at Zorah. but to remain at Mahaneh Dan? everyone seems to be here. so am i suppose to be following everyone? But neither do i want to remain at this gate called Mahaneh Dan.

Haha. now i laugh. guess why? i don't even have someone i like!!! hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. i love laughing at myself. caause i don't get insulted by me, and i don't insult anyone but me which i technically cant insult so. here goes. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. but well, just people who have been there for me to jabber at, to say all that i need to say, thanks. like Marcus [maybe cause i've been talking to you so much these days], winifred [Friend forever!] and others. you know what. i just realised the two names i put down are siblings. hahaz. wini and marcus are bro and sis. hahaa. wth..

Anyway, who needs jasper as a stead or who whatsoever when i have friends to rib and enjoy my life with. yes, i may still feel the down of not having someone there, but at least there is satisfaction in knowing that i don't need a stead 24/7 like what they are because i have HEART OF GOD CHURCH!!!!!!

And also to allow people to love what you are not who you are. coz loving who you are is like loving david beckham because he's famous. Love me for my attitude. my idiosyncrasis. my what ever what ever what ever. so??
who other than God is capable of that?

Love me for what i am not who i am.
Agnetta.
101206.

New[s]

2006-12-08T00:14:00.000+08:00

A new end, a new beginnig. A new start, a new look, a new Me. And how do i start these news? By chopping off my hair. literally. so now, it hangs 2 inches below my shoulder. haha. it actually suit me though it gives the impression i look like 10 years older than what i should be. haha.I'm thinking of getting another few inches chopped off again. i wonder how i'd look. haha.

So for new ends. i went back to BF. we talk. no need to mention who but just we as BF members. met 2 new guys there. one a bass singer and the other a bassit. oh and he's really hot. haha. hot bod man. woohoo!! haha. cool eh. hahaz.

i'm starting my course tml. hooefully i get something outta somewhere or someone. well, nothing much other than my hair cut and my missing 24!!!! argh...

New hair new me..
Agnetta.
071206.

life's boring.

2006-12-06T21:56:00.000+08:00

Woohoo. It's been long long long. well, not as long as when i didnt post for one month but these days. haiz. hahaz. it's more of like i'm suddenly lazy to type. hahaz.
i used to keep journals. like literal journal entries where i write deligently everyday. then i started blogging where problems started arising. and i locked this blog. hahaz. so my circle seems to claim me back to where i started out from. i prefer writing to actually typing now. idiotic i know. but... i think this it's so fun ranting about nothing that really concerns you or anyone around you. HAHAHAHA. i'm slightly nuts now.
Withdrawal. from what? guess what. after this you'd think i'm even more mad than i am now already. hahaz. withdrawal from my studies. i know, i know. but it's i seem to see alot of my books strewn around my room. i use to "study" these books. haha. now i seem to miss studying. haiz. seriously. i thought it'd blow over soon. wrong wrong i was.
anyway.
from 1st till now, nothing much happened.
1st: ABA.
2nd: sleep sleep eat and sleep.
3rd: usher in church. I almost fainted. woops. [for real k. you can verify with ernest. i grabbed him before i almost fainted, if i didnt manage to scratch him i think i would have landed on the floor.]
4th,5th,6th:chalet. VBS[which i didnt go] due to PO.

so. that's it. haiz. life is boring.

Agnetta.
061206

Work..??

2006-12-02T00:00:00.000+08:00

remember in the last post yesterday that i said that i was most likely going to work in secret recipie? well, i most likely will not. haha.

I may be working as a therapist in this ABA therapy. ABA actually represents applied behavioural analysis. so... i will end up being a therapist who house hops and does therapy for special needs children. Sound weird? sound ridiculous with the fact that i'm 16? sound nuts that i'm going to be a therapist? i know. i find it weird too.

It actually started out today afternoon when this ABA therapist came to my house to work on jon. so, i decided to not sit in this time round. [for those who dont know i actually sit in during the therapy when 2 australians do therapy.] a little dragy yes i know but its fun. but it doesnt help that it makes me see more than what everyone sees.

So well, I'm going for a course next friday and saturday, and then starting training at a workshop on monday to friday the following week. and after that the families who choose me as their therapist will get me house hopping. and guess what. Im doing overtime at home and not getting paid!!! hahaz. not that it matters. since he's my brother. [he aint heavy, he's my brother.] haha.

but guess what? it pays better than secret recipie!!! haha. SR pays $5 per hour. seems like alot? guess what. ABA therapy pays $20 per hour!!! hahahahahahaha. who laughs last laughs best. haha. and my family [not the neutral (if you dont know what neutral family means it actually means onkly your mother father and those in the direct line to you. so grandparents are not counted.) one] has been ribbing me why havent i got a job yet. im like so pissed larz. they're like work in mac larz. oso good mahz. at least it pays. like yeah, $2.50? I'd rather not work. like i cant match up eh,...

well, who laughs last laughs best. Thankfully i didnt take the mac job. nor the SR one. hahaz. I'm the one earning now!!! hahahahahahahaha. like can you imagine i work at SR for 6 hours. and earn $30. and one therapy session earns me $40 already [one therapy session is 2 hours]. you dont have to be smart to know which one to pick. haha. well, im not smart but i aint stuipid either, but i certainly know which one i'm going to pick. hahaha.

So my upcoming schedule will be pretty hectic as such:
Sunday: usher in church, family dinner. [supposed to be having dinner with C1 and leonard de.]
Monday to Thursday: Chalet
Friday, saturday: ABA lecture
Monday to Friday: ABA workshop.
Sunday to Wednesday: Thailand trip.

Nutty? i know. the only free days i have left are tml, 10th[sun] 16th[sat] and next thing you know, it's 5 days to christmas and 11 days to create, heart awards and the new year! imagine, how fast this year's flow. and when you think back. it really flew. and thinking deeper, it's going to be the end of the 7th and start of the 8th year after the new millennium. millennium is a real dificult word to spell. it has 2m, 2n and 2l. oh and 2e. wth. haha.

but, well, like is a race. but stand and enjoy w hat you have. quoting a friend, life's too short to be bogged down by everlasting problems. and you know what? you actually create those problems yourself. haha, well, i'm not going to create more problems anymore. =)

Well, im going to see how life goes on. haha. love all..

Agnetta.
011206.

a few of the vacation pictures.

2006-12-01T03:02:00.000+08:00

Long Long Time Ago.

2006-11-23T01:05:00.000+08:00

Well well well...
it's been more than A MONTH SINCE I LAST POSTED!!!
wow. well, even i must say im impressed by me.
hahaz.
well, technically nothing much has happened since 16 oct, other than...

My O levels advancing towards me..
Can you believe i studied!!??!!
like i never do!!!
im shocked!!
well, at least i was.
hahaz.
thats one.

ok. well, i was thinking of actually TRYING to even remember what went on during this one and a half months but i just realised, FORGET IT.

well, its actually coz i cant remember hahaz.

ok.
recent things are...

Job interviews!!
coffee bean bishan [might get posted out.]
fonteen [dont really fancy working with a boss who is 30+ but TRYS to look 18 ( dont think i'll get the job though.)]
GV.[dont think i like standing long hours very much]
Paris miki.[might consider is they'd called but they didnt so.....]
Secret Recipie[i think i'll get the job. they're calling me tml!! hahaz. but i had to take a jab though. sianz. but FNB is fun!! hahaz]

so well, the next so called big thing is the family vacation.
24th to the 29th.
night 1: went with dad and nat to jb to stay the night as we had to pick up the van my dad bought. so went to grand continental, or tried to find it coz it changed name and my dad secretary forgot to tell us it had been changed to hotel selesa. most likely a malaysian local name.after that we went to hyatt for supper. with the famil car and to check out the van. it was so freaking tall that when i Stood IN it. i coouldn't reach the ceiling... i was like WHAT!!! hahaz. madness. well thats night 1 for me.

night 2 or more like night 1 and day 1 for every body:
was the trip up to ipoh. long journey long journey long journey. very very very very long.we had lunch at KFC. all i had was one drumstick. why? no time, had to take care of every body who wasnt taking care of anybody else. sheesh being the eldest isnt fun.and there was this huge sports store there. imagine. its on the biggest high way in malaysia, in the middle of no where and you find a HUGE! sports store. i was so ermz. but freaking ex there thoug. especially after the addidas sale in sgp. well, when we reached, we couldnt find the hotel again. imagine going into town you'd expect to at the very LEAST be able to see the hotel from afar. well, we couldnt. and after we'd circled the whole town, we ended back where we started. down the way in again. and THEN!!! my mom looked backwards and saw the hotel staring us down from nearby. we were so diaoz. den imagine look back when driving forward. sheesh.well, after that we went for dinner. at some restaurant called marpoh. farny eh. and i ate like 1.5 bowl of rice. sheesh. k either i was real hungry or the food was really good. but i just realised how much of a pig that made me sound like. haha.

day 2:
went to caves to see caves and climb stairs. sheesh. and jon[he's my brother.] climed up this long long flight of stairs. so i had to hold him and go up with him. then came this bend. i stopped and looked up. i almost dieded looking at it. and then looking back where i came i might have died had my mon not came. hah. she took jon and brought him down.haha. i decided to syat below and look after jon after that. haha
then we went to another cave and another, sheesh. 3 is more than enough. then we went for lunch. yes here's to me being a pig again. i did eat quite alot. but you know what i didnt put on weight!!! i dunnoe about the inches though.woots. then went back to the hotel. i slept like a pig. im a ig fat pig. while nat and rytha went swimming.haha. then went grocery shopping. hey, you know what let me tell you a family joke. my dad brought a rice cooker to malaysia with us. to literally cook well, not rice but porridge. we did buy rice though. then we went for dinner at this restaurant called overseas that we were suppose to eat at the night before.[we didnt eat the night before coz there were 3 wedding dinners going on in there. no tables] oh yeah, due to the fact that it was a sundya that day, breakfast was suppose to be at foh san[ dim sum] but that place was packed!!! like people were standing to eat outside. [double diaoz] so we went somewhere else. and thats for the day.

Day3:
went for breakfast at fohsan. finally. we went quite late so there wasnt much food left and being a monday i think they didnt prepare much either. so we departed ipoh and headed down to kuala lumpur. lots of cars loads of people and more jams then the worst morning jam of wampoh flyover in singapore. we reached bandar sunway which is actually like a group kinda thing liike crystal jade is a group thingy. so, sunway is know for the lagoon and sunway pyramid[the shopping centre] is know for the ice skating rink. not a very fantastic shopping centre though i must add. everything is even more expensive than singapore. sheesh. so it was check in. and the gerl took like super long. like super. well, the rooms werent that bad so, didnt care much abt the gerl anymore. haha. so first thing, is charge to check the toilet. haha. i know. paranoid. yes i know. but a toilet says alot abt a hotel. passed. haha. best toilet i've been in is shangrila penang. and novotel bangkok. know why...? coz shangrila has like classic look there. juct classic. and novotel has wonderful big mirrors instead of the normal 4 walls. so you have the door on one side, the opposite is a blank wall coz of the bath tub and the two other sides are mirrored! haha. k why are we talking bout toilets here. haha.so back to KL. well, went for dinner at coca. so ironic that we went to the shopping centre to locate coca and went one big ridiculous round and found ourselves beside the main entrance and exit of the hotel...
after that, went walking around.end of day.

day 4:
woke up early in the moring just to go for some ice skating class dad signed the 3 of us up for. fine. i fell like hey 4 times only. i counted. but my shoes were like killing my feet so i said forget it. coz it was tight. haha. it was so deep it caused an imprint. super unglam thankfully i was in jeans painful though moreover i am a flatfoot. so the shoes didnt fit right. and i just realised my coordination was super nuts. hahaz.but the instructor wasnt fantastic either. haiz. went for breakfast after that. then went to see jon do the hyperbaric oxygen thingy.then went to this temple.really bored so i ended up taking pics of jon instead. haha. then went for lunch. this steam boat restaurant called xiao fei yang. not little flying goat [i thought that first time round too] its actually little fat goat. hahaz. fitting name. the food is fantastic. haha. went with uncle chee meng [ my dad's subordinate] he paid. then nat and rytha went back for ice skating. rytha was suppose to go home with my aunt and uncle who were going home that night. sheesh. but dad let her stay. haiz. so it was ice skating for them and shopping for me and mom!! haha. but things were so pricey. ended up buying like accecsories and a pair of back pants only. i had 200 rm and i didnt even spen 100. mom though i went mad.. well, maybe i was. we decided not to eat at coca again. went to some restaurant across the road. well, most likely its because KL's a commercial area thus everything is more expensive than in ipoh. well, dinner was good enough.

day 5:
last day.i went into the oxygen chamber haha. i had the mask on!! well, its like breathing PURE OXYGEN for one hour.but that mask was DAMNED DAMNED DAMNED heavy. and my nose ached after that. and i kept wanting to sneeze. wth. well, time flies. haha. after that we went for lunch wih uncles chee meng and chee boon. haha. they are not brothers. haha. at restaurant overseas. this time the KL one. got lost on our way there actually. was following uncle chee boon's car then ended up following another wrong car. got lost lost lost. called and then got directed back. haha. to make the U turn we had to go to where we realised we were lost in the first place. so. lunch and we're on our way home!! stopped to buy KFC for jon though. and my HP chain fell out. it landed ON the drain. yup on, not in. i was so thankful. haha. so drive drive drive. dad was so tired. haiz. poor dad. he's been driving the whole week. well, sharing some load with my uncle larz. but he was driving along that day. so when we reached JB, we usually go to giant. so there we went. mom was going to go shopping and dad went what? no time larz. but he gave us 15 mins haha. then when we came back he was missing so mom went on grocery shopping. haha. we then left for hyatt. to drop the car so that uncle chee boon could pick it up since chee meng's car was in service. we thought we were going to have dinner in hyatt then complications arose. too complicated. lazy to write it down but Grampa's face was a comic when he found out we werent going for dinner. haha. well, we were leaving. so dad sent ou pick up, who is actually a family friend to go buy 4 chicken home for dinner. supper weird. but long story cut short mom was like then why didnt we go to hyatt straight instead of even stopping at giant if i'd know that we're not having dinner would have bought some thing for the two old ones at mac.[family joke, two old ones sounding lik 201, has beecome a code name.] so dad said, lets go some where [in sgp of coz] for dinner then. so due to the fact of there being 12 of us in total, there were two cars. my uncle picked us up also. so there was not jams at all, sgp and malaysia immigration. i saw innova jc on my way for dinner. haha. so, went for late dinner then my aunt told my mom this[unfortunately i was close enough to hear the bad news] the fridge plug was off. to most of you, well, nothing big right, well, to us it is. the fridge had like tonnes of frozen meat and the fridge has countless dairy products. all spoilt. argh!!!! i spent my night back clearing out a smelly fridge. yuck yuck yuck. called pan before dinner and talked awhile, and he's such a jerk he didnt call back soon. [yup im writing this so you can see pan] haha.well, that's all i guess.

Today!!
went for a jab, for the fnb thingy. took photo, passport size. zapped the cert and my ic, went to bishan to give it, then went to church for resturucture. not much changes but we had two people leaving our cg. boon keat being transferred back to c2 and flora transferred to c6. haiz. no more flora to disturb during service lerz. no BK oso. haiz. its abit ironic that i disturb BK, coz im like 150 and BK is like 185. you'd think he's disturbing me instead. haha. well, im always going BK!!! dont stand beside me!! hahaz. he's like this giant trying to flaten me. haha. well, you'll be missed. dunnoe why but it's really hard for me to let BK go. i know he's still part of church but just like he was really warm and very loving to me esp on my birthday. really the super nice guy of nice guys. ok wait im tearing. haiz. well, flora and BK, here's to you guys. love you always. all the time, everywhere anywhere everytime and anytime.

well, ther's also a new addition to our group. Leonard is now our new leader. because roy weijie nicholas, our other leaders had their own CGs, we were mainly drifters. so now we have leonard!!! big round of applause for leonard. hahaz. charleston is know taking B zone too!! not only C zone. he use to have like 170 people, now he has to handle roughly 260 people. Jiayou charleston. moreover he's going army next march. gambate!

we also had new structure change.

Zone leader: Charleston
Supervisor: Ivan, Roy, Leonard.
CGLs: Jian ming, samantha, [and someone else i think]
new CGLs: WEIJIE!!! NICHOLAS!!! ruo en and hong hwee.

hahaz. so thats about all, oh and now weitze is also taking a group. cool eh. haha.

well, i dont think i have anymore to say.
so good night and sweet dreams.

Breakthrough
Agnetta.
301106

My presents.

2006-10-09T01:17:00.000+08:00

This will be short.
Anut, uncle + uncle: puma handbag[the one you saw me carrying today], burberry perfume, face colours, book, and hmmm =)
Parents:
300 DOLLARS CASH! [I'm really shocked.]
Uncle: 50 bucks.
Grandmother:
[it's her birthday today too. well, chinese one anyway] 60 bucks.
Pan and Jiansheng: A blue bear that subsequently became a tear absorber haha. and a card full of tender loving care.
Winifred and Boon Keat: A christian city churches CD and they sponsered my cake.
Weijie: A pooh puzzle in a file. and a very special, moving and touching dedication.
Thanks to that guy i just knew today. Dont wanna spell your name just in case i get it wrong.
Thanks for yelling fo the church to hear that's it my birthday and to get them to sing me a birthday song. You got a damn loud voice.

I love my sweet sixteen.
Agnetta.
08.10.06

My Special Sweet Sixteen.

2006-10-09T00:09:00.000+08:00

08.10.06
I officially turn Sixteen.
At 0000am today,
i received a call from someone i didn't know.
I couldn't recognize that voice and apparently that person was having fun teasing me about who he was.
Later he spilled and unexpectedly turned out to be the very adorable Weikiat.
Hahaz.
Then Flora called.
another unexpected caller.
Called for?
Fun?
NO..
these people called to wish me happy birthday.
Then weijie called.
So our conference was talking about me and my birthdae.
And these 3 sang me HOGC's version of Happie birthdae.
I'm not going to tell you what it is.
It belongs to us only.
hahaz.

So, when i went to church, i was high. God's pressence was in me.
And after survice, i was to be shocked.
i was presented with a cake from Winifred.
I was so surprised and touched.
I nearly cried.
Then this guy that i just knew, don't wanna spell your name just in case i get it wrong. [well, now i know. it's XION! he's korean. =)]
YELLED! "HEY CHURCH! IT;S AGNETTA'S BIRTHDAY TODAY! LET'S SING HER A BIRTHDAY SONG!"
Ok.
And the church sang their verson of Happy birthday as well.
I was so moved.
It was so awesome to have so many people being focused on you.
Hahaz.
I enjoy the limelight once in a while.=)
And Boon Keat gave me a CD, well, it's from a group of them so i don't know who i cant thank them personally, well, THANKS ANYWAY.
And like it's so amazing coz i only know BK for one week, well, actually less than that!!
And then Weijie also gave me a file.
Weird, i know.
But when i opened it up, it was a puzzle.
Oh so sweet.
Pan and Jiansheng gave me a bear.
Hahaz.
And a card full of Tender Loving Care.
Hahaz.
So after my presentation of cake and God's blessings, It was Pan's turn.
Hahahaz
We were having fun and i know.
Now Pan has 4 books to read. Anyone who gave him presents all gave him books.
HAHAZ.
He's still that nerd from school.
Hahaz.
woops.
So after cakes, we went to suntec.
Cause Yangyi and Weikiat and some others were there.
So, i couldn't really see well cause my contacts were giving me problems.
And i fell!!!!!
WALAO.
i overwalked a step.
Anyway,
We went to Pizza Hut for dinner.
We had like one slice of pizza each larz.
hahaz.
Pan didn't wanna order more, coz he said it was too expensive and that they couldn't make me pay so much.
YES, i sponsered dinner.
Then we went to watch some laser thingy at the fountain of Wealth.
Was pretty bored, keep wanting to get out of the water's way.
They just kept me there.
Then i heard a dedication being read.
"TO AGNETTA AND PAN FROM HOGC HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO AGNETTA AND PAN. GOD LOVES YOU AND SO DO WE."
I was so surprised.
Then came some words flashing on the water front.
To: Agnetta and Pan.
From: HOGC.
Happy birthday. God loves you and so do we. From those who love you dearly.
When the words were announced, i was surprised. When the words came out i was trying to not cry.
Then Weijie and Weikiat turned to smile at me.
I cried.
So i did.
I was so touched.
Well, after that we did go home. haha.

But imagine this.
I'm with HOGC for 5 weeks.
And I've know BF and BFY for 1.5 years.
And no one from the fellowship had the heart to msg HAPPY BIRTHDAY, except jess, perry, ronghan and XQ after i screwed him.
I accepted Christ into my life on 071006.
So on my nick it reads, I'm a christian ask me why.
Everyone literally asked me why.
NO ONE, NOT EVEN XINQIANG WISHED ME HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
some fellowship you are.
We'll be talking more about you.
So yeah.
I know some people for a few weeks, some even one week, like BK.
Seriously BK, thankyou, i didn't expect you to really get me a cake, much less a present.
Weijie, Thanks for getting us to suntec for this dedication.
Well, apparenlty everyone knew about he dedication except me.
Well, that was partially the reason why i cried.
Though we've only been friends for short times, You've been more Friends than those i use to know.
And they could dare to call themselves Friends.

God's pressence and these God sent Friends are True.
Property of Heart Of God Church only.
Well, these are the messages sent to me:
[In chronological order]
Weijie:
Yo. Happy birthday! Haha. Hope you grow 1 more year of happinessgrowth in God and excellence. Enjoy your christian life.
[Yes i will be happy in HOGC, and i will definately enjoy my christian life.]
Flora:
hello gal!I'm sorry didnt talk to you much today! anw HAPPY BIRTHDAY! haha. 16 already! must do well for Os ok? Haha. Happy happy birthday! =D miss you.
[of coz i will do well.]
Pan:
Happy Birthday.
[Happry birthday too Pancake twin.]
Roderick:
Happy birthday. 16 le. can watch nc 16 wif us le wor. ha. u been such an awesome friend and stay cheerful.
[yes, can watch nc 16 le. hahaz]
Joy:
Happy birthday Pan and Agnetta=) Gwen says happy birthday also.
[Lets go to pitstop soon yeah.=)]
Jiansheng:
Happy bd to you =) happy bd to you =) happy bd to agnetta happy bd to you=) ok well i go sleep le.
[Hahaz, please sleep before you fall asleep talking to me again. =)]
Janice:
Happy birthday sweetie.
[babe, your my best friend and i thank you for everything you have done for me.]
Winifred:
Happy birthday agnetta :D
[Thanks for everything babe.=)]
Weefong:
Happy birthday take care and stay sweet forever:)
[i was never under the impression i was sweet:D]

Those were the birthday messages.
And i came home, i sent out a really long message:
Hey guys... Thanks for making my sweet sixteen so memorable... ThoughI've only know you guys for like five weeks... some maybe less... what you have done for me... well... this is a first... :)I'm touched. Really really touched.Special thanks to weikiat... for his idea of dedication...[i later found out that it was weijie's idea to do and also his doing to get us there. THANKS WEIJIE!!] God loves me... Just like you guys... so... i love you too... Thanks for making my sweet sixteen so special. Love you guys... Agnetta.
[long eh.]

Message sent to Weijie, weikiat, boonkeat, pan, christopher, yangyi, shuwah, winifred, flora, jiansheng.
Replies back were:
Yangyi:
Haha. yeah Great to know you!
Jiansheng:
Wow that's really thoughtful. I hope that no matter what problem you're facing now or in the future.You will stand strong in God.
Winifred:
Hey agnetta! your welcome :) Love you too!!
Boon Keat:
=) NP. we can do it all again!!!Haa. We are also grateful tt you willing to spend your 16th with us. As much as God took care of the birds wad more us?His greatest creation. =D Love you. May God give you his blessings in every area in life. Love you =)

Well, guys, from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU again and I LOVE YOU!!!

Will there ever be?
TLC needed.
I'm a christian ask me why.
Agnetta.
081006
Our birthday!

Overriding love.

2006-10-06T23:49:00.000+08:00

Its i know fact to many that love cannot be overridden.
I use to think that too.
But now, think again.
It can be.
By passion.

Many of those there know that i left Soracco, BF and the BFY because of love and unlove right?
Well, i was suppose to go back to spite, and yet, i turned up to sing.
I still have this barrier that can never be solved between us but,
because of passion, i managed to see past all their shit.

So now, because of this passion of mine, I'm going to end up singing MR moon at Dr maryann tsao's house for the party.
And guess how some of this lyrics go.

Mr moon, should you happen to be in view
of a heart that i once knew
will you wink and let him know.....

That we could too, be as happy as we can be
If we learn to climd a tree
To catch a glimpse of Mr full Moon's glow.

And what if some jackass decides to show up, well, i actually expect him to be there since he's a party dog.
And imagine me singing this in front of him.
I have no queries or qualms singing in front of him anymore.
I'm not going to squrim and refuse my rightful song anymore.
just.
WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE THIS SONG WITH THIS KIND OF LYRICS!!!!!
damnit.
well, there's always hope he wont go.
Haha.
Maybe i'm a little too hopeful.
who cares.
haha.

My unlove has been over ridden by my passion.
I wonder if this kinda passion can get me into worship.?
that may really be too hopeful.

Two more days.
Saint Pot and Pan.
Agnetta.
06.10.06

Life goes on.

2006-10-06T23:46:00.000+08:00

It's been close to two weeks since i last posted.
I'm shocked.
haha.

well, there's really nothing much for me to dicuss on this page recently.
well, other than the fact that i've been sick!!
well, sick as in physical and not mentally sick if that's what you're thinking.
So since i skipped school for four days, it gave me a lot of time to think about some things.
Things that concern my well being.
Things that concern the people around me.
Thing that might and will affect my future be it near of far.
Things that make me REALLY THINK HARD.
like whether I'm where i belong.

Nothing really interesting happened actually.
I got back my results, flunked everything as expected.
Celebrated Alton's birthdae with him by taking neo prints and eating eclairs and apple strudel.
Bullied Pan[cake] into telling me and more than likely himself that he can do it for his exams.
Well, it's a psychological effect.
Coz if he tells me he can, he will have to reiterate the message to himself thus, allowing himself to know or believe he can do it. =)
Well, hopefully he can do it.
Fell sick, 28-29.09, 2&4.10.
I dont even know why i bother to go to school.
Academics are seriously draining me.

But this is life then.
The whole life is a lesson.
Yet, there is more to life than just exams.
The rule i will live by, or one of the rules is, Live without regrets.
because once you regret, you start thinking about what happened, what could have happened and what you could have done to allow that to happen or not happen.
So, I'm not regreting the years i spent in secondary school, just think they're a big waste of time.
well, i still do but who cares, it's my last official day of school tomorrow, 6.10.06.

Graduation.
Who cares. I care only about the testimonials i will recieve.
I know i didnt do well for my prelims, and i dont need you to tell me.
So bug off.

For my well being, it'll be linked to the people around me, my well being and where i really truely belong.
I'm sick, many of you guys know that.
I don't know what yet.
But i just hope it's not anything serious.
well, if it is, then let it affect me after my nationals.
It turn it'll affect where i belong.
I know where i belong socially mentally and emotionally.
But not where i'm suppose to belong spiritually.
This is a touchy topic.
so ZIP. and we're not talking about it.
And i still don't kow where i belong physically.
Weijie, i think you know what talking me.

Well, i think i'll just be living life one step at a time.
Starting with my graduation.
And then I'll return to where i use to belong, where people once loved me, just to spite them.
HAHA.
i know.
weird?
I am.
mean?
they started it.
revengeful?
I still cling on to the fact that they use to love me.
After that will be,
my contact lens, my hair, my looks, my attitude, my challenges, my SWEET SIXTEEN!!
Should i be happy?
Well, it's a once in a life time thing so i should be.

Well, only time will tell if i am to be where i am, to do what i'm doing or am supposed to do.
Embrace me and this life i lead and guide me though this painful process.
If you tell me to have courage, then you must have the courage to grab me and go too.
Who's the one worthy and of value?

Two more days.
Pot and Pan.
Agnetta.
05.10.06

Heart Of God Church. [HOGC]

2006-09-23T14:37:00.000+08:00

I've been to church for 5 times. and seriously, i never wanted to go back to an organisation that much before.
Even at bf.
Jess, you claim that with 500 people, there's no chance to bond as a Family.
Small and cozy is your defination of BFY.
do you think that smalll and cozy families like BFY backstab each others?
i'd then rather be introveted in HOGC than allow myself to be extroveted and hated in BF.

HOGC.
a house of god, a house where passion comes from the heart and soul.
The people make you feel wanted, and people make you want to go back week after week.
I know that the possibilty of converting me to becoming a christian is less than zero.
So, don't even try guys.
Especially to Weijie, i know what goes on, and what i'm supposed to do.
I am not the small silent "dun wanna interact" CUTE??? girl that you see there.
There is a larger percentage of me that no one, not even Pan has seen.
Pan has most likely viewed a little but not all.

I am not the 16 yr old little girl you see before you.
There is more to me guys.
Thats why i don't want to say a lot of things i usually would have said.
I learn from my mistakes and i can't make the same mistakes again.
That's why i don't say as many thing as i should to you like whether God has spoken to me or not.
I'm not trying to deliberately trying to lie to you and Im sorry if i might have implemented that when you finally find out.
Your guidance might turn to psycho, then to obsession, so view it in a good light that it's for your own good as well eh.
=)
I am different and i mean very different from what you might see me.
I might still be cute.. [-.-"]
but if you know me next time, love me for what i am, as God will love me.

HOGC, i love you guys, and yes, i will go back week after week because i feel an attachment to you, such as like the arm being attached to the body.
So, i hope you won't judge me, or that you will not question what i do and why i do the things i do, and that you will not press me on matters.

When you do see the real me, you will see.
And see with your hearts and not only with your eyes.
Love you guys loads yeah.
Muacks..

08ten90eighty9.
Saint Pot.
Agnetta.
250906.

PRELIMS OVER!!!!!

2006-09-23T14:34:00.000+08:00

prelims are finally over.
yes yes yes yes.
but, chem might not be that well done.
chem prac was good though.
phy prac not good.
phy paper was cool.
the rest other than accounts and dnt should be well enough bahz.
but i dont think it'll be well to get me into jc before the results though.
coz i didnt really study much.
i only fear for maths.
haiz.
well, what s done is done.
nothing can be done to change it.

PRELIMS OVER!!!!!
Agnetta.
230906

PRELIMS RIGHT IN MY FACE.

2006-09-13T17:03:00.000+08:00

Well, I'm pretty unprepared if you can say.
Im like only 65% prepared.
Dunnoe how i'm gonna survive this.
Well, seriously hope i can pull through this.
Really sick man.
Cant get to sleep at night and then end up sleeping in class.
haiz.

Thanks to Weijie, Jiansheng, and Pan for asking me out eh.
Pan, you liar.
you tell me what arhz.
i got alot of different stories from the other two wor.
But thanks for letting me distress though.
And thanks for asking me out eh.

08ten90eighty9
PRELIMS!
Agnetta.
130906.

When there was me and you.

2006-09-12T02:44:00.000+08:00

Its funny when you find yourself looking from the outside.
im standing here but all i want is to be over there.
why did i let my self believe miracles could happen.
Coz now i have to pretend that i dont really care.

I thought you were my fairy tale, a dream when im not sleeping.
a wish upon a star thats coming true.
but everybody else culd tell that i confuse my feelings with the truth
when there was me and you.

i swore i knew the melody that i heard you singing
and when you smiled you made me feel like i could sing along
but then you went and changed the words now my heart is empty.
im only left with use to bes and once upon a song.

now i know your not a fairy tale and dreams were meant for sleeping.
and wishes upon a star just dont come true.
coz now even i can tell, that i confused my feelings with truth.
coz i liked the view, when there was me and you.

An extract from the song When there was me and you, from high school musical.
I don't need to infer.
It's pretty straight forward.
I don't mean one person in this song.
I mean a group.
Why i left.
I can't believe in that miracle anymore.

08ten90eighty9.
Agnetta.
110906.

School reopens.

2006-09-12T02:28:00.000+08:00

First day of school.
Super tired.
Well, my fault, i slept at 4.
But,
Haiz.
Well, there was full attendance.
Surprise, surprise.
But most of us are in school just for the sake of being in school.
Prelims aproaching and many of us are not there yet.
We're still strolling to our destination not realising that so many others are ther already.
Either that or we see and know that they're there already and we couldnt be bothered to catch up.
Well, it's likely the second one.
Well, Good luck to those who are still half way.
You're suppose to be at least 80% there already.
WHERE ARE YOU GUYS!!!???!!!

Abyway, anyone can give tuition?
But help if you can and not help just for the sake of helping.

Agnetta.
08ten90eighty9
110906

Holidays.

2006-09-10T01:56:00.000+08:00

I hate the end of holidays.
It signals the start of another begining.
Who says that all beginings are good?
If it were, i'd be begging to be let to school just like when i was in sec 1.
Well, FYI, i;m no longer in sec 1.
I've progressed 4 years and let's just say,
I HATE SCHOOL.

Well, not that i don't wanna go back to school to see 4e3, they really bring out a bunch of laughs.
just, school in it's entirety.
The students, the people[everyone], the life[or more of no life].
It just pulls your life right off of you.

I can do so much more at home.
Well, though i might not be able to study without teachers or friends, but i can always call others out right.
And i'm sure Pan is able to fork out some time, especially after his exams.
Well, it's let see, an other 4 days to my prelims.

[140906]Thursday:Science pract.
[150906]Friday: English, physics
[180906]Monday: Chinese , Geography.
[190906]Tuesday: maths 1, social studies
[200906]Wednesday: Chem, Sci MCQ, Maths 2.
[210906]Thursday: POA 2, DnT.
[220906]Friday: POA mcq.

[061006]Friday: Graduation.
[071006]Saturday: Study Break Starts.
[081006]Sunday: OUR BIRTHDAY! my sweet 16, his 17.
October is a really hot month for birthdays yeah.

Well, lets see whats gone on since 1st Sept.
010906 fri: Ronghui leaving at 12++ , went to aunts house to sleep.
020907 sat: went to church. heart of god.
030906 sun: dnt dinner at marina bay. [not to self. sotong + beer = NO WAY!]
040906 mon: school, grocery shopping.
050906 tue: mom left. send rytha to workshop, meet pan and jiansheng to study till late.
060906 wed: sick. damnit.
070906 thur: still sick. walao. went to anuts house.
080906 fri: went for tuition, suppose to go out with rit but he couldn't make it coz of his orchestra pract, so went to watch monster house with XQ, then went for dinner with D and her new ahem, John.
090906 sat: MOM'S BACK!!! thats it.
109096 sun: going to church, might go watch the host with rit if he msges me, if not im pulling Pan with me.

Long week.

It's ok. In less than a month, Im home free.
Well, its not the home thing anyway.
It's that i don't have to go to school unless whichever teacher decides to pull us back.
Well, what's the betting that we'll al go back anyway.
Well, As long as Im outta CBS, i might be or should be, hmm more of will study better.
Well, i need the time.
I'm not going to stay for commit anymore this 3 days left.
There is no point anyway.

Tired.
Of, school, home, and bf?
Well, Soracco's starting again.
Well, i think i'll back off already.
No point continuing there any more anyway.
well, music is all i will need now.
Maybe someone to haiz.
Let's not go there already.

Tired.
In memory of Steve Irwin.
Father, husband and crocodile hunter.
Agnetta.
100906.

To you out there, Damn you.

2006-09-04T01:23:00.000+08:00

You think you care.
You think.
You ASSUME, therefore make an ASS outta U and ME.
Leave me be and let me language lie.
You just care about me using or not using vulgarities in BF or out.
Just to not let me tarnish you "image".
Well, let me go to church and leave you and your image to be.
You should know who you are.

I know why i like Heart of God better than BFY.
Agnetta.
030906.

How does being a buddhist equate to not being able, or seemingly weird to go to a church?

2006-09-04T00:41:00.000+08:00

So what if i go to church?
And so what if it's a christian church?
It's my calling. [like what XQ will say]
yeah.
I know you have bloody hell alot to say about me going to church.
So bloody Fuck it and just say.
You're trying to be nonchalant about it go " oh its your calling so i'll leave you be"
Don't bullshit.
Being in BFY has caused you to mutate to this bloody asshole you are now.
What's wrong or so weird that i go to a christian church?
Heart of God is cool.
Compared to BFY?
yeah.
its really cool.
Want me to elaborate?

They are passionate about their religion.
Though i don't agree that god is my savior, they do.
And who are you to say what is right and what is wrong?
Who are you to say that as a buddhist i shoudnt go to church?

What are the similarities between BFY and Heart of God.
They write their own songs.
They organise sharing sessions.
They invited people to give talks.

Differences?
Heart of god is PASSIONATE about they songs they sing and when they sing, EVERYBODY SINGS.
and with their heart and soul.
Not due to the fact that they have a band.
If bfy were to have a band, they'd all be fooling around with the instruments or disturbing the musicians.
Communication between pastor and listeners is two ways and i don't mean question and answer sections.
When the pastor flashes someone's face on the screen with his or her name, they rely eg, " hi, sara."
BFY? sometimes, people are not even listening, they talk among themselves.
When people in BFY sing, others are still talking to themselves.
And when the singing is over, they make snide and sarcastic comments.
We all know that it's meant to be a joke, but you never know when this joke may be carried too far and hurt someone.

And one thing i learnt from them is " OTHERS"
Not that i might thrown my lifejacket to someone else who's drowning, but i will share.

Story of the life jackets.
The empress of Ireland sank in 14 mins after colliding with a smaller boat in 1914.
Because this group of 120 christian youths from salvations army were bunked nearer to the exit, many of them managed to get life jackets and escape.
So, in the freezing water, they struggled.
Yet when these youths saw someone alive struggling pass, one of the would take off their lifejacket and throw it to that person so that he or she would survive.
So one survivor had this experience.
He was freezing and knew that he had no chance of surviving th wild sea unless he had support of a lifejacket.
He then saw a young girl around the age of 18 struggling against the strong current to get close enough to him.
And when he did, she took off the lifejacket and threw it to him.
So he thought to himself, " she's son young. she deserves to live longer than i do."
This man was roungly late thirtyish to early fortyish.
So he threw it back to her.
And she was furious.
She threw it back to him and said, "You take it."
He said, " I don't want it"
She shouted back, " take it. I'll die better than you."

I know many of my fellow youths would not agree to this as it contradicts the Love myself before i can love others.
But how many of you actually love others after loving your own self?

They believe that god is their savior.
I believe that they are their own saviors.
When you bring someone to church to be converted, to be able to feel god in you, Its more of finding yourself.

Pan, Thanks alot for giving me that chance to experience something so different.
So soul searching and intriguing.

XQ, if you've got bloody fuck to say, then just say it.

Check it out for yourself.
Heart of God church.
You BFYouths should go there and see why they are able to have 500 ACTIVE members while we have"300" members with 40 active.
Ever though about that LACKING sense of PASSION?

The Heart of God experience is indescribable.
Experience it yourself.
Agnetta.
030906

It's been a long week.

2006-09-03T23:57:00.000+08:00

Monday: Went to school, mr Wong give lecture during assembly coz of BHS incident. Then went home during recess coz fell sick. WTH. go see chinese doctor at EU YANG SANG some more. Yuckie medicine.
Tuesday: went to school as per normal, chiong artefact till like 5? reach home at 6+ 7. chiog folio till 530 am. cannot tahan sleep.
Wednesday: chiong folio till 5 + then haiz give up larz. [ mr mak gave up his teacher's high tea for us to finish coz he say his students works more imopt. a round of applause for him please.( clap clap)]
Thursday: Teacher day celebration. Then went out with pam and fong for lunch. Then went to SI only to appear crying on mational tv. Damnit. Went to Jude's place to welcome him home. till like almost 1.
Friday: went for tuition, went to bf, went to send Ronghui off. was there from 2230 till 0115.
Saturday: was at yiyi's place for the night then went for lunch with her then rush to meet Pan at PS to go to church-.-?[will elaborate later], then went home..
Sunday: Suppose to go to church again but was stuck at home due to some problems. damn i should have gone. then later went to have dinner at Marin bay, drink with them, nothing much larz. Then went to play car racing.
Now, time to sleep?
Haiz.
tml got school.
argh.
damnit.
8 AM!!!!!!!

tired.
Agnetta.
030906

Care or Don't care?

2006-08-29T22:51:00.000+08:00

The more commonly asked question is "How should i care?"
Anyone bothered to ask "To care or not to care?"
I know.
We're all humans and its our nature to care.
For what? Anything..
For who? Anyone.
When? Anytime.
Where? Anywhere needed.
Why? Just to care.
How?[bingo] Answer this question yourself, coz if you care for a person then only you'd know how.

Many many many case senarios. [so as to prevent further rumours, late night nothing to do gossips and problems affecting friendship, Names will be changed.]

No1.
Mother hen, MH for short,is well liked, well received and loved by many if not all who know her. So one day, one chick of hers landed somewhere for some reason. MH got worried and rushed down to see her chick the following day. She nagged at the poor chick on why she did the things she did and what consequences it would bear.This chick knows that what MH is saying is her way of showing concern, but what she feels that MH is not treating her as a chick needing her own independence.
What happens next, no one knows for sure other than MH herself. Rumours were that MH was complaining that caring for this chick was causing her tension and stress.
So should MH care or don't care?

No2.
Christopher is a holds a hig position, popular, smart and cares for many. So when Janice starts failing her classes, she turns to Chris for help. Being the kind and generous soul he is, he agrees to help her. They meet somewher near town to study her core subjects, maths and science. What was unexpected was that he was not sure of the subjects himself. [not his fault, understandable for the fact that he has not been in school since long.] So not long after, they parted. A couple of weeks later, Jan calls up another friend, Ben for help. When they met, she found out that Chris was also there. Wow, two for the price of one. Ben, however, did not help much as he claimed that he was in no mood to think. Chris decided to give it a shot,[nagged more than teach] and left her frustrated and pissed with one sentence in her mind, "There is only so much we can do." She apparently is not stupid to that extent.
Jan doesn't like to be nagged at, and she knows that chris is not doing a very good job.
Is Chris caring or not caring? Should he care or don't care, since she is hardly in a position to accept the teachings he is trying to radiate?

If you know who you are, well then, so be it.
I couldn't care anymore.
Why?
Pissed, and totally Fucked up is telling her why.
300806.
Deadline for the DNT artefact and portfolio.
290806.
What is dear Miss Agnetta Lew doing?
Trying to "chiong" for this deadline.
Only to find out when she reaches home that she doesn't have enought materials to finish what is expected.
She grabs her wallet, Phone and Ipod, ready to leave the house to go to the nearest mall to get what is needed.
ONE bloody block of A3 DRAWING PAPER.
stopped by her mom, she is now short of materials to finish her work, due tomorrow.
She is expecting a A2 or at least a B3 for the work that she has put in.
Without enough materials, she is forced to give up some factors.
Points to be taken into consideration.
What if her grade slips?
What if she doesn't even make it?
What if she breaks down and has hyper tension?[I'm not saying that it hasn't happened before, and therefore bringing it up.]
The ironic thing is that if she were to ask for a Car for her 21st birthday, or a one year trip around the world, she'd get it.
The irony.
Not the affordability.
But it seems weird and definately ironic don't you think?
Car - yes.
Tour - Yes.
One nlock of drawing paper, a3 size, - NO.
If it were you would you think it stupid?

Miss Lew is not a Study fan, nor a chiongster.
Her parents common sprout these words, "Study hard k." or " Put in more effort larz."
So when she is finally studying, and putting in A FREAKING LOAD OF EFFORT, what she needs most is one thing she can't get.
The problem is, this is not the first time this has happened.
More like the 3rd or 4th time already.
Is this a major big sign telling her DON'T STUDY!
Or is she suppose to go through this "What i need i cant get" period alone with hypocrites, backstabbers and plentiful feinds?

Not to mention, people tell people things. yet informations never seems to arrive at Miss Lew's dorrsteps.
Yet, she is expected to know who is having a party when, when this is happening or what so ever.
She does not have equipment sprouting out of her head receiving informations from every where.
She is a human.
Flesh Bone and Blood.
Never assume she is a robot, or radio.

Friends or Feinds.
To care Or not to care?
Miss Lew, finally turning chiongster only to find all odds against her?
To give up on DNT and Accounts?
Or to pray and chiong when odds are still against her?
Pray for her, Good luck to her, and help her through this tough period by standing by her.
Who has done that?

August.
4E3.
Janice.
Weefong.
Pan.[for being blur and making her laugh in the most desperate times]
Jasper.[a bit strayed now though]
Wani.[for naggin in a more subtle way]
Mr Wong.[for screwing us occasionally in class]

Thanks. Couldn't have done without some of your re-wiring.

Care or not.
Friends or feinds.
Thanks or no thanks.
Agnetta.
290806

PS. only actually finished this 300806 1204 am.
PPS. gotta stay up to chiong even though odds are against her.
PPPS. pray for her safe deliverance tomorrow, and that she wont fall even sicker than she is now.

4E3 United as one. Anneh Rox

2006-08-27T18:19:00.000+08:00

For a realy late entry. My com crashed when i did this and i didn't realise i saved it in the other blog already.

4e3 united as one.

Never knew 3e3 and the previous 4e3 could turn out to so united judgin from the previous experiences we had with each other.
We fought over minor issues.
We snided and sarcasted our way over each others attitudes and problems.
Now look where we are.
All thanks to floorball. Haha.

The most obvious bondings.
020806 - Photo taking.
We stood in the foyer smiling for the formal shot.
Then dashed all over the place to strike some sweet, ridiculous but at the same time memorable shots.
Then, We had to go back to class to pick up our books to go for class.
What did we end up doing?
Taking our own types of photos in class.
then Amanda went up to FNN. and got the rest of the FNN class screwed.
So. with 15 mins left, we went to our seperate classes.
Then we went to DNT and decided to take pfotos with MR mak.
Thought in doubt if he was going to confiscate any phones though.
So, saying the right things at then right time helps.
The guys took photo with Mr Mak first, climbing all over each other.
Then me and Weiting took. Mr mak then say, " aiya gerls. cannot touch." hahaz.
So now our pic ended with a gap within all three of us.
haha.
Then, haiz. they wanna outcast amanda and anna coz they paoto.
Haiz.

050806 - A very special walk ( many paths one goal.), 4e3 Class outing to Escape theme park.
We met at the bus stop opposite 7-11 at 0630 in the morning.
And i woke up at 0610.
Sheesh.
Thank god my uncle was here. and he sent me there.
Then wait for Jiapei who said to be there at 0630 and he himelf was late.
Then wait for Sock Hoon who said that she will not be late and the last one there,which she ended up being oso. hahaz.
So we took the 88 bus. wanted to sit on top, then realised that NO SPACE.
So thankfully only 3 of us went up, me suhaili and jiapei.
So we climber back down again.
Then by the time we reached Hougang area we all got seats.
WooHoo.
hahaz.
Then when we reached the interchange, wanted to walk otu before we realised we were lost.
Sheesh.
so when some of us went to top up our cards at the mrt, We saw a sign.
A VERY SPECIAL WALK - FREE SHUTTLE.
so called the rest of the class there and the whole class took the bus together. hahaz.
except the cheerleaders who were there already.
Then walk a whole loop, back to the amphitheatre to listen to the band, watch 5 scouts from raffles dance,( so farny sia), and watch the cheerleading.
Then wait wait wait, then. WOO. we left for ESCAPE!
took 358, the realised that it didnt travel the way we wanted, and realised that we should have taken 354. sheesh.
we walked to escape and realised that this group of CBS students were there. stupid assholes larz. dun wanna elaborate.
out day is not about them.

We went it at like 1115.
play.
play.
play.
We went into the haunted house and me, vino and lavanya screamed like hell while clinging on to wancong like hell.
Then we went to sit viking till we were liable to throw up.
Then came the Wet and wild.
I was half wet and Mdm Cho who was behind me, was soaked. hahaz.
Then we went around all over playing all the rides.
And we were screaming. For fun. stuid rite.
haha.
Then we all didnt have childhood one.
so all queue up to bumper boat with spray.
hahaz.
so six of us inside the pool with the rest of the class outside spraying us from inside.
Mdm cho, Jacky, Situ, Julius, Me and Jovin inside and the rest outside.
No winners No losers but at least majority of us were wet.
haha.
we just hugged those who were dry and made them wet too!
haha.
Then Some of then had to go.
Haiz.
so it was Bye.
for some.
Then we went back to chiong again.
hahaz.
Me, Wancong, Jiapei, Julius, Geraldine, Sockhoon and Jian bin went to Racae go carts.
hahaz.
sheesh. and ask me if i can drive.
wth.
thankfully they didnt realise we were wet and most likely wetted the seats as well.
HAHA.
and then after that it started raining!
ARGH!
SO, all RUN ARH.
went back to the lockers and changed, and left to go for dinner at costa sands.
Then took bus to interchange again where we split up.
Walao, Jiapei never send Jovin home sia.
The rest took 88 while i took cab home.
and that is how 4e3 spent their first united as one outing.

4E3.
united as one.
Anneh Rocks.
We rocks.
Agnetta.
050806

Hmmm. Familar

2006-08-22T22:52:00.000+08:00

you know who you are, so i ain't gonna reveal names here. i know that you are in love now and all, but don't think that you are kinda aiming too high at this point in your life? i mean, someone who is around your age is fine, but someone who is #-## years your senior?? that is utterly absurd. think about it. do you think there will be any possibility for that person to actually like you? i do know that you are really mature for your age, but he ain't gonna hook man. don't have too high an expectation. really. it will only hurt in the end. i know that i am being a naggy ass here, but well, it's my two cents worth. it's really as they say: a toad trying to eat a swan. practically impossible.

Extract taken from invoking thoughts.

Why do i have this feeling the person who posted this entry seem to be talking about me?
You know who you are.

Familar eh.
Agnetta
220806

I created a Slide Show! Check it out!

2006-08-22T20:39:00.000+08:00

Thanks but no thanks.

2006-08-18T21:16:00.000+08:00

Thanks for the time to come and tutor me.
I really appreciate you guys for that.
But i could have done without much of that lecture esp Wenjie's :There is only so much we can do.
I know and I'm not stupid so for god damned sake don't think i am.
I am trying, you don't believe it?
Well, there is just so much i can do to convince you.
The ultimate desicion in believeing is up to you.
And i seriously was having a bloody damned headache that day k.
Got screwed in classs by jackass teachers.
Had my oral with no hopes of getting a distinction.
Had to go all the way down to HARBOUR FRONT! just to get nagged by you guys.
I'm not sayig I'm unappreciative or what.
But sometimes you guys have to think too man.
You want me to study, then make me go so far away.
Doesn't travelling take time.
Coming and going from HF.
And fyi, just to rush to meet you guys coz someone said that travelling to HF doesnt take very long, i took a cab down instead.
And by the time we left was like at 6.
It takes me more than an hour to reach home k.
So i dunnoe if i did a smart or stupid thing by taking a cab home.
Damn.
Cab here Cab there.
You guys burn a hole in my pocket just to get to HF to meet you.

Well, whichever, whatever.
And i also know why me and Jill are like soulmates.
Like literally.
Some history.
Me and Jill met at Buddhist Fellowship 031105.
She was with her cousin Wong Yang.
One super handsome boy [I'm calling him boy coz he's younger than me!].
So the three of us were talking like mad, when we were suppose to be meditating.
Woots.
So yeah.
Sparks just flew between us.
Till now.
Woohoo.
So, i went with her and Drace to Singapore Idol on thurs, well, thats another matter.
Jill and i click is because we're very nonchalant about one thing.
Our language.
And i don't mean English.

August is also another one whose friendship i have cherished. appreciated and enjoyed till this day.[ still an ongoing friendship.]
I tell him so much, an he can still be unjudgemental.
Why?
He's not a youth.[BFY]
August.
Thanks for everything, esp those ridiculously late night talks.

Next on list will be Pan.
Not frying pan or whatever you think pan.
He is Pan lim boon tat.
My favourite boy from Innova.
Why?
Coz HE SHARES THE SAME BIRTHDAE AS ME!!!
hahaz.
oct eight 90,89.
woohoo.
moreover, Pan's real sweet.
hahaz.
and really innocent.
hehe.

Next will be Rit.
Sheesh jill get over it man.
Like I'm not as ass to go tell him :hey i want you to be my guy.
Sheesh Jill I'm not you.
I will not do it even if you dare me.
Anyway.
Rit has got this SUPER CHARMING SMILE.!
walao uncle.
your smile in the magazine damn fake larz.
the last page one is so much better shows your dimples.
:)
everytime i see his smile i start laughing.
Don't ever ask me why coz i dunnoe too.
hahaz.

Anyway.
Just wanna thanks the friends who've stuck by me so long.
Especially Xinqiang.
We both know that you don't like me.
But i will be in a special void in your heart different from others.
Just like you're in mine.
And also to Ronghan.
Thanks for everything bro.

So about my week.
Monday.
English mock till late.
Tuesday.
Oral and met ronghui wenjie jessica and yanyan at HF. to "study"
Wednesday.
Social studies mock.
Thursday.
Chemistry mock. home - AMK central - SI - Bishan for dinner - home.
Friday.
DNT mock.

How freaking tired i am, now you know.
And sat & sun?
Leadership and maagement seminar.
Then dance dance dance coz of our performance with the prime minister on sat, 26th.
And i will join the dance floor.
I know i can and will be able to manage my affairs as long as I'm out of BF.
So you guys are liable not to see me there for long.

Love all those loving, and that will include myself.
Anyone interested to go support Rit this sunday?
Agnetta.
180806.

And i thought i was ready to let go.

2006-08-13T00:20:00.000+08:00

And there i thought i was able to let go already.
Well, I guess I'm not ready then.

Stepping out of the lift gave such a feeling of welcome.
And stepping into the hall gave what?
FLASH BACKS!
MEMORIES!
Damn.
and i was supposed to be so over it.
Nvm. Was supposed to be there for mitra.
Never heard anything though.
All i ended up doing was pasting pricetag stickers on like a few hundred books for D. and sister tuisita.
And well, guess what.
I found more calm and peace pasting stickers that listening to dhamma.
Fine i shoud go around sticking more pricetags.

Then when everything was done and i finally got tired of waiting for D. i decided to leave for Ronghui's place.
He was celebrating his farewell as well as forwarded birthday since he will be in china then.
And i was suppose to be there to celebrate my "victory" over my chinese exam.
Like whichever jackass even cared.
Wel, at least enjoyed myself by getting disturbed by Ann Hao and disturbing him back.
hahaz.
Walao.
He unfaithful lorz.
I feed him cake majiam he send 3 other girls home never send me home lorz.
hahaz.
no la.
well, at least i didnt reach home that late anyway.
not that i can or wanna bother about this kinda timings anymore.
Haiz.
Ronghui's leaving.
Who's going to teach me chemistry!?!
ARGH!
help.

Really dun wanna bother already.
I am even prepared to give up my studies for this dance competition k.
Cause we know that we're definately capable of entering and going far.
Hey ronghui.
I'm studying coz of you k.
Since you dun let me go for tml's recreation.
You better teach me properly k.
BLEAHZ.
anyway.
Me and D. will be sending you books there every month coz there will be limited or perhaps no supply of english books there to read.
So i'm going to be needing your address.

Anyway.
I wished i had went to catch the fireworks instead.
Well, what's done is done.
What's over is over.
I knnow i don't need to care anymore since no ones decides to care and those who care, well, thanks.
to whatever.

Oh yeah.
Special thanks to Jessica Ong Hui Jia.
thanks for listening and telling me things i seriously never regretted hearing.
Thanks yeah gerl.
Love you for what you are.

Mock exams start next week.
I find solitude in sticking pricetags. Anyone willing to hire?
Agnetta.
120806

Life's boring.

2006-08-11T17:48:00.000+08:00

Life so totally certified by me.
It's a miracle, yes, but also the greatest BORE ever to be suffered by humans.
Or maybe only by me.
Sheesh.

I scored a five in myMT written paper.
And a distinction in my oral.
And when everybody else is out celebrating their victory, where am i?
Home, being the oh so good gerl i am.

Congrats is all you can give?
sheesh.
and i thought people communicated better without words.
Apparently i thought wrong.
sheesh.
Party and not invited.
How can that be?
I'm like the life of the party helloo..
Sheesh.
And everyone else who's not going for ronghui's farewellpartyis like celebrating their victory with some significant other.
Me?
I cant even find some one to go watch Team France's Fireworks with me tml.

WTH!
lonely...
I'm so lonely.
I have nobody...
To call my own.....

Sheesh.
And this is like such a screwed song seh.

NVM.
i can watch the fireworks on my own.
And talk tomyself to prepare for my English oral on tuesday.

My mom talks to herselftoo.
No wonder i get this gene from her.
Nor wonder i talk to myself too.
Sheesh.

Anyway.
I couldn't be bothered anymore.
I know where Im not wanted.
nvm.

Life is boring.
Lonely, always so lonely.
Agnetta.
110806.

A national day spirit?

2006-08-10T23:28:00.000+08:00

a celebration or a time of embarassment?
Well,
If you wanna be able to celebrate national day, just let me tell you, be prepared to be embarassed.

hahaz.
proof?
080806.
When Chong Boon sec decided to have a national day sing-a-long session, the sec 4s decided to let go of their ego and pride that they carry in school and really "enjoy" singing along.
either that, or they just wanted to look really enthu with the national anf school spirit.
Well, either way, they succeeded.
Well,
I can say that i was one of those idiots there singing along as well.
hahaz.
What to say.
Studying with idiots make you into an idiot.
DAMN.

I rocks.
Agnetta.
100806

why.why. why.

2006-08-10T00:44:00.000+08:00

WHY.
good question to a lot of things.
Firstly.
Why -
i started a new blog.
i chose this name.
i do the things i do.

Questions questions questions and just no answers.

I started a new blog cox i don't want some people to have acess to it though they might be able to find someway to acess. If your going to take what i say to heart then don't read then. Well, all thanks to you i've chosen to change my blog. So if your happy.

i chose this name coz i LOVE drinking. i LOVE chocolates. Love candy. and absolutely cannot cannot cannot do without hearts.i go round drawing it. yeah. and it's rum and raisin because it's a kinda ice cream i totally adore.

and why i do the things i do is not to be told here coz just in case some people read it and think that i did stuff like land in the hospital just to attract his attention. sheesh. as if you're going to be the most impt person when i need.

so there you have it.
The answers to some WHY questions asked in my life.

Agnetta.
090806