Heart Of God Church. [HOGC]

I've been to church for 5 times. and seriously, i never wanted to go back to an organisation that much before.
Even at bf.
Jess, you claim that with 500 people, there's no chance to bond as a Family.
Small and cozy is your defination of BFY.
do you think that smalll and cozy families like BFY backstab each others?
i'd then rather be introveted in HOGC than allow myself to be extroveted and hated in BF.

HOGC.
a house of god, a house where passion comes from the heart and soul.
The people make you feel wanted, and people make you want to go back week after week.
I know that the possibilty of converting me to becoming a christian is less than zero.
So, don't even try guys.
Especially to Weijie, i know what goes on, and what i'm supposed to do.
I am not the small silent "dun wanna interact" CUTE??? girl that you see there.
There is a larger percentage of me that no one, not even Pan has seen.
Pan has most likely viewed a little but not all.

I am not the 16 yr old little girl you see before you.
There is more to me guys.
Thats why i don't want to say a lot of things i usually would have said.
I learn from my mistakes and i can't make the same mistakes again.
That's why i don't say as many thing as i should to you like whether God has spoken to me or not.
I'm not trying to deliberately trying to lie to you and Im sorry if i might have implemented that when you finally find out.
Your guidance might turn to psycho, then to obsession, so view it in a good light that it's for your own good as well eh.
=)
I am different and i mean very different from what you might see me.
I might still be cute.. [-.-"]
but if you know me next time, love me for what i am, as God will love me.

HOGC, i love you guys, and yes, i will go back week after week because i feel an attachment to you, such as like the arm being attached to the body.
So, i hope you won't judge me, or that you will not question what i do and why i do the things i do, and that you will not press me on matters.

When you do see the real me, you will see.
And see with your hearts and not only with your eyes.
Love you guys loads yeah.
Muacks..










08ten90eighty9.
Saint Pot.
Agnetta.
250906.

PRELIMS OVER!!!!!

prelims are finally over.
yes yes yes yes.
but, chem might not be that well done.
chem prac was good though.
phy prac not good.
phy paper was cool.
the rest other than accounts and dnt should be well enough bahz.
but i dont think it'll be well to get me into jc before the results though.
coz i didnt really study much.
i only fear for maths.
haiz.
well, what s done is done.
nothing can be done to change it.









PRELIMS OVER!!!!!
Agnetta.
230906

PRELIMS RIGHT IN MY FACE.

Well, I'm pretty unprepared if you can say.
Im like only 65% prepared.
Dunnoe how i'm gonna survive this.
Well, seriously hope i can pull through this.
Really sick man.
Cant get to sleep at night and then end up sleeping in class.
haiz.

Thanks to Weijie, Jiansheng, and Pan for asking me out eh.
Pan, you liar.
you tell me what arhz.
i got alot of different stories from the other two wor.
But thanks for letting me distress though.
And thanks for asking me out eh.













08ten90eighty9
PRELIMS!
Agnetta.
130906.

When there was me and you.

Its funny when you find yourself looking from the outside.
im standing here but all i want is to be over there.
why did i let my self believe miracles could happen.
Coz now i have to pretend that i dont really care.

I thought you were my fairy tale, a dream when im not sleeping.
a wish upon a star thats coming true.
but everybody else culd tell that i confuse my feelings with the truth
when there was me and you.

i swore i knew the melody that i heard you singing
and when you smiled you made me feel like i could sing along
but then you went and changed the words now my heart is empty.
im only left with use to bes and once upon a song.

now i know your not a fairy tale and dreams were meant for sleeping.
and wishes upon a star just dont come true.
coz now even i can tell, that i confused my feelings with truth.
coz i liked the view, when there was me and you.



An extract from the song When there was me and you, from high school musical.
I don't need to infer.
It's pretty straight forward.
I don't mean one person in this song.
I mean a group.
Why i left.
I can't believe in that miracle anymore.













08ten90eighty9.
Agnetta.
110906.

School reopens.

First day of school.
Super tired.
Well, my fault, i slept at 4.
But,
Haiz.
Well, there was full attendance.
Surprise, surprise.
But most of us are in school just for the sake of being in school.
Prelims aproaching and many of us are not there yet.
We're still strolling to our destination not realising that so many others are ther already.
Either that or we see and know that they're there already and we couldnt be bothered to catch up.
Well, it's likely the second one.
Well, Good luck to those who are still half way.
You're suppose to be at least 80% there already.
WHERE ARE YOU GUYS!!!???!!!

Abyway, anyone can give tuition?
But help if you can and not help just for the sake of helping.













Agnetta.
08ten90eighty9
110906

Holidays.

I hate the end of holidays.
It signals the start of another begining.
Who says that all beginings are good?
If it were, i'd be begging to be let to school just like when i was in sec 1.
Well, FYI, i;m no longer in sec 1.
I've progressed 4 years and let's just say,
I HATE SCHOOL.

Well, not that i don't wanna go back to school to see 4e3, they really bring out a bunch of laughs.
just, school in it's entirety.
The students, the people[everyone], the life[or more of no life].
It just pulls your life right off of you.

I can do so much more at home.
Well, though i might not be able to study without teachers or friends, but i can always call others out right.
And i'm sure Pan is able to fork out some time, especially after his exams.
Well, it's let see, an other 4 days to my prelims.


[140906]Thursday:Science pract.
[150906]Friday: English, physics
[180906]Monday: Chinese , Geography.
[190906]Tuesday: maths 1, social studies
[200906]Wednesday: Chem, Sci MCQ, Maths 2.
[210906]Thursday: POA 2, DnT.
[220906]Friday: POA mcq.

[061006]Friday: Graduation.
[071006]Saturday: Study Break Starts.
[081006]Sunday: OUR BIRTHDAY! my sweet 16, his 17.
October is a really hot month for birthdays yeah.


Well, lets see whats gone on since 1st Sept.
010906 fri: Ronghui leaving at 12++ , went to aunts house to sleep.
020907 sat: went to church. heart of god.
030906 sun: dnt dinner at marina bay. [not to self. sotong + beer = NO WAY!]
040906 mon: school, grocery shopping.
050906 tue: mom left. send rytha to workshop, meet pan and jiansheng to study till late.
060906 wed: sick. damnit.
070906 thur: still sick. walao. went to anuts house.
080906 fri: went for tuition, suppose to go out with rit but he couldn't make it coz of his orchestra pract, so went to watch monster house with XQ, then went for dinner with D and her new ahem, John.
090906 sat: MOM'S BACK!!! thats it.
109096 sun: going to church, might go watch the host with rit if he msges me, if not im pulling Pan with me.

Long week.

It's ok. In less than a month, Im home free.
Well, its not the home thing anyway.
It's that i don't have to go to school unless whichever teacher decides to pull us back.
Well, what's the betting that we'll al go back anyway.
Well, As long as Im outta CBS, i might be or should be, hmm more of will study better.
Well, i need the time.
I'm not going to stay for commit anymore this 3 days left.
There is no point anyway.

Tired.
Of, school, home, and bf?
Well, Soracco's starting again.
Well, i think i'll back off already.
No point continuing there any more anyway.
well, music is all i will need now.
Maybe someone to haiz.
Let's not go there already.













Tired.
In memory of Steve Irwin.
Father, husband and crocodile hunter.
Agnetta.
100906.

To you out there, Damn you.

You think you care.
You think.
You ASSUME, therefore make an ASS outta U and ME.
Leave me be and let me language lie.
You just care about me using or not using vulgarities in BF or out.
Just to not let me tarnish you "image".
Well, let me go to church and leave you and your image to be.
You should know who you are.













I know why i like Heart of God better than BFY.
Agnetta.
030906.

How does being a buddhist equate to not being able, or seemingly weird to go to a church?

So what if i go to church?
And so what if it's a christian church?
It's my calling. [like what XQ will say]
yeah.
I know you have bloody hell alot to say about me going to church.
So bloody Fuck it and just say.
You're trying to be nonchalant about it go " oh its your calling so i'll leave you be"
Don't bullshit.
Being in BFY has caused you to mutate to this bloody asshole you are now.
What's wrong or so weird that i go to a christian church?
Heart of God is cool.
Compared to BFY?
yeah.
its really cool.
Want me to elaborate?


They are passionate about their religion.
Though i don't agree that god is my savior, they do.
And who are you to say what is right and what is wrong?
Who are you to say that as a buddhist i shoudnt go to church?


What are the similarities between BFY and Heart of God.
They write their own songs.
They organise sharing sessions.
They invited people to give talks.


Differences?
Heart of god is PASSIONATE about they songs they sing and when they sing, EVERYBODY SINGS.
and with their heart and soul.
Not due to the fact that they have a band.
If bfy were to have a band, they'd all be fooling around with the instruments or disturbing the musicians.
Communication between pastor and listeners is two ways and i don't mean question and answer sections.
When the pastor flashes someone's face on the screen with his or her name, they rely eg, " hi, sara."
BFY? sometimes, people are not even listening, they talk among themselves.
When people in BFY sing, others are still talking to themselves.
And when the singing is over, they make snide and sarcastic comments.
We all know that it's meant to be a joke, but you never know when this joke may be carried too far and hurt someone.


And one thing i learnt from them is " OTHERS"
Not that i might thrown my lifejacket to someone else who's drowning, but i will share.

Story of the life jackets.
The empress of Ireland sank in 14 mins after colliding with a smaller boat in 1914.
Because this group of 120 christian youths from salvations army were bunked nearer to the exit, many of them managed to get life jackets and escape.
So, in the freezing water, they struggled.
Yet when these youths saw someone alive struggling pass, one of the would take off their lifejacket and throw it to that person so that he or she would survive.
So one survivor had this experience.
He was freezing and knew that he had no chance of surviving th wild sea unless he had support of a lifejacket.
He then saw a young girl around the age of 18 struggling against the strong current to get close enough to him.
And when he did, she took off the lifejacket and threw it to him.
So he thought to himself, " she's son young. she deserves to live longer than i do."
This man was roungly late thirtyish to early fortyish.
So he threw it back to her.
And she was furious.
She threw it back to him and said, "You take it."
He said, " I don't want it"
She shouted back, " take it. I'll die better than you."



I know many of my fellow youths would not agree to this as it contradicts the Love myself before i can love others.
But how many of you actually love others after loving your own self?

They believe that god is their savior.
I believe that they are their own saviors.
When you bring someone to church to be converted, to be able to feel god in you, Its more of finding yourself.



Pan, Thanks alot for giving me that chance to experience something so different.
So soul searching and intriguing.

XQ, if you've got bloody fuck to say, then just say it.


Check it out for yourself.
Heart of God church.
You BFYouths should go there and see why they are able to have 500 ACTIVE members while we have"300" members with 40 active.
Ever though about that LACKING sense of PASSION?













The Heart of God experience is indescribable.
Experience it yourself.
Agnetta.
030906

It's been a long week.

Monday: Went to school, mr Wong give lecture during assembly coz of BHS incident. Then went home during recess coz fell sick. WTH. go see chinese doctor at EU YANG SANG some more. Yuckie medicine.
Tuesday: went to school as per normal, chiong artefact till like 5? reach home at 6+ 7. chiog folio till 530 am. cannot tahan sleep.
Wednesday: chiong folio till 5 + then haiz give up larz. [ mr mak gave up his teacher's high tea for us to finish coz he say his students works more imopt. a round of applause for him please.( clap clap)]
Thursday: Teacher day celebration. Then went out with pam and fong for lunch. Then went to SI only to appear crying on mational tv. Damnit. Went to Jude's place to welcome him home. till like almost 1.
Friday: went for tuition, went to bf, went to send Ronghui off. was there from 2230 till 0115.
Saturday: was at yiyi's place for the night then went for lunch with her then rush to meet Pan at PS to go to church-.-?[will elaborate later], then went home..
Sunday: Suppose to go to church again but was stuck at home due to some problems. damn i should have gone. then later went to have dinner at Marin bay, drink with them, nothing much larz. Then went to play car racing.
Now, time to sleep?
Haiz.
tml got school.
argh.
damnit.
8 AM!!!!!!!













tired.
Agnetta.
030906