my use to be-s

This is not gonna be like my other posts, it'll take you on a look back at why I am who I am today.

Looking back on how I was, when this blog was started, it was a place for my continuous ranting of hatred for my school, and I mean, school as in everything about it. I was a total mailto:b%25@$h, and I mean B. I was an emo kid, even to the extent of at times being called an ASK, anti social kid. I was horrible, and this blog was where I’d rant at myself for long.

Then as time passes and people change, this blog became a place where I came to heal. I dropped some of my hurts of people here, however, my stupidity led me to leave names of the targeted people I was writing about. I blogged about everything, and anything, of how people treated me, and how selfish I was, looking back at that those posts. but still I refused to face reality and realise that the problem was me, and not them.

So from the anti social kid, I became the problem kid. But as we all know, if God can take Rahab, a prostitute, and make her a hero in the bible, as she saved the spies who went into Jericho, He can make a miracle in everybody if we'd just believe yeah?

So, here I am today. Standing here, proud to call myself, a child of God, a living testimony to those out there, proof that He can do something with someone like me. God is a great God. Amen

So down to today. I'm stressed!! I have alot of things to do, alot of things to worry about!! alot of things to take care of!! and I have been offered a position that I have taken up. EXTRA WORKLOAD!! and I have a meeting with one of my leaders, and I have no idea why. EXTRA STRESS!! and for all these situations I am in, God only has one word for me. guess what,, one word. ONE!! it's

PRAY.

I've been relying on my own strength. I've been fearing too much, being too selfish. I've become a thermometer though I used to be a thermostat. and why? because I didn’t,

Pray hard.

wow. as we stood there, for ten minutes, I prayed, and I mean prayed. I prayed like I never did before.!!

and then, after dinner, extra reason to stress. As we all know, I came from a Buddhist organization. I was the problem kid there, and as I became more involved in God's house, a friend from there came to hoGc. so, we have one. today, I received word that we may have two! to me it was extra stress, extra work that I didn’t not want to inflict on myself. I was selfish. and then.... as I remembered this year's vision.

ACCELERATE.

God is not testing me, and no he's not stressing me, and no. he's not worrying me. He, is accelerating me! CG admin? can. do more in integrating them? sure. like Leonard said, one day the organization will close down la. from one to two to twelve, one day, the organization will close down.

Today pastor preached on Faith. We must have faith, in everything we do. But, faith without works is dead. Now it's my turn to realise that I cant rule the world. But I can impact it, with God's glory.

Remember in a few posts ago, I spoke of someone who seems to totally hate me? well, it's some one I haven’t really known long. but why I feel that she hates me, is because I’m gonna be someone she cannot be. She used to frequent a church, two yrs back, and she was even named evangelist of the year. but, she didn't rise up to be anybody during the time that she was there. and she complained to me before, “I stay there so long, bring so many friends, and yet nv get any recognition, stay for what?" then I realised. she wasn't living for God, and hence, she could never rise up. She lived it for her glory, and not God's. She had no faith in God, only in herself[pretty much like me eh.]

But I am different. I will be different! I will make a difference! I will stand for God starting NOW! I will hold my ground, and be a thermostat. I will worship my God, for he is my lord and savior. For tonight, he has made me someone, that I never imagined I could be. Now and forever God, I am yours.

there's a particular song’s lyrics, a love song, but this time round, look at I from a different view yeah?

Nothing's gonna change my love for you You ought know by now how much I love you The world may change my whole life through But nothing's gonna change my love for you

If the road ahead is not so easy, Our love will lead the way for us Like a guiding star I'll be there for you if you should need me You don't have to change a thing I love you just the way you are So come with me and share the view I'll help you see forever too

It seems as if He's singing to us, that He'll always love us, and "nothing CAN change His love for us." and how our road is not easy, but He is our guiding star, and He's always there for us if we need him. He doesn't want us to change, He loves us just the way we are.[this is my beloved child in whom I am well pleased.]

I no long need to worry about whether someone loves me or not. He died for me on a cross, the least I can do, is give my life as my offering to him.

Thank You God, my faith in you renewed, my courage and strength replenished. I will take up CG admin, and I will meet with my leader with an open heart, and if I’m gonna be wrong about something, then I will accept responsibility and the consequences if I’ve made mistakes.

I love You God.

Thanks for everything Eric.
Leonard, welcome back, and you look super farny!!
I miss Charleston! [he's in field camp now.]
I miss pastor Lia, and some leaders. [They're in Sydney.]
We need a new church premise!!!!!
I have a craving for pasta. Anyone?
I love You God!!