Stuffs.

Wow, i just got discipled on christmas day. well done to me man. about what? Respect. Nice.
Respect. What is it actually about anyway? Can i say that i've hardly experience Respect at home? Nephews Nieces, Uncles aunties, Cousins, etc etc. So many. Yet no heck of a respect. I mean, it's ok if you poke fun at people for the fun of it but you never know when it might hurt a person. isn't this what's always been happening to me?
I have never been good enough for people to respect me. When i greet my uncles and aunts, all i get is a curt nod in return, and they're not even looking in my direction. And yet they call out toward those who sit in front of the TV and have no idea that they're there. Don't they have the "respect" to answer me back a hi? Nephews. Nieces. Aren't they one generation younger and also suppose to be respecting towards elders by age and authority? What gives. Do they? I can't say about my parents, coz i haven't seen anyone really respect their parents yet, so i don't really know this word respect. Respect : esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability. That's the real thesaurus meaning of respect.
Seriously, i didn't mean to do the things i do, or say the things i say. I 've just been falling back into my old habits. So sorry, to whomever i might have offended. [This was the case that landed me a discipleship today.]
I understand the fact [Correction is not rejection], that doesn't stop it from not hurting though. Putting the phrase in better light would be the fact that if the person didn't care a heck about me, they wouldn't have discipled me. So, it seems that someone cares. Well, like i said, it doesn't stop the hurt. I know where the person is coming from, i see myself from there too. The problem was that i didn't catch myself doing it until it was over.
I don't know if it's some factors leading up to it, but, to the extent that i was so unaware. _______. [sigh]. I'm just afraid that the pendulum will swing again.

Well, since the Bangkok trip, i've been going for my therapy training. Haven't been sleeping enough, lack of food. Training for 3 days, then my mom decided to tell everyone in the group to hesitate to take me because i'm going back to school. Great. now i work 8 hours a week. with two indian kids. Not that i have anything against them, but i encountered problems in my sec school years with Indians and left them for the good only to travel one big round and come back here. Well, my monthly pay is like 640. wonderful. no money no nothing. Decorated Leonard's card after taking it from JS at compass on sat. Slept at three.
Christmas eve. Baked a cake for the pastors with 3 guys. afvice to those who wanna bake cakes, don't ask Leonard, Pan or Alvin. ask alton better. haha. they were tying to eat my cake before the even made it. yea. we took a cab down to bugis, went to buy cream after meeting Ruifa for the cake. Service was awesome that day. And I'm so proud of Ruifa! wow. he was praising and worship God. The Ruifa i know usually isn't like that. And he's coming back again!! haha. After that, went home for "christmas dinner" as well as my Grandpa's birthday. Really hataed that. Can you imagine your younger nephews and nieces disregarding you feelings and only caring about themselves, that they may be better than you in any way possible? Your cousins not treating you as an equal but as a low caster? Your aunts and uncles treating you as an invisible piece of wall? Felt this way before? Ever had your entire family think you just diappeared over the face of this earth? My uncles and aunts went to China and came back that night. My cousins went to help their parents get luggage, so that's one. I deliberately went over to call my aunts and uncle. All i recieved was an uh. There's a total of 7 of us. who's parents did not go to china. Me, Rytha, Nathan Jon, Colin, Mandy and Aaron. I called my aunts and no body could bother to ask abut how i was. But, wow. they went straight to my nephews and niece [ wa colin, this this this. Wa Mandy, that that that. Wa Aaron. this that this that.] Then it was Jon. Jon JOn... Then Nathan. Talk loads. Then they'd ask. where's rytha arhz? No body gave a S%#$ about me. Why did i even bother to come home for christmas? WHY!?!?!?!?! someone tell me WHY! freaking respect? if i didnt have it for them i would have loitered till christmas day before i went home. some christmas presents anyway. Useless stuff considered a luxury. What i wanted, nobody gave. What do or did i want? a NKJV bible. that's it. And i get all kinds of other stuff people think is nice, or somewhat needed. Some christmas. Had to write Christmas cards then go shower. slept at 4.
Christmas day. Went to park view square for usher. slept only 5 hrs. had to arrange 800++ chairs. had to stand at ther door to take attendance. and i almost fell asleep during service. that was how tired i was. After service, gave out impression slips. Pack all the stuff in usher room, and then got discipled. Great christmas. Wonderful. Just awesome. Not trying to be sarcastic or what, it has been a wonderful christmas, for real. the best ever actually. Just the few little nicks here and there.

Well, I'm tired. I've been tired since i started typing. Why not sleep then right? Good question. But i just had to let everything out. The hurt, the problems, the factors, etc etc. The heart aches, the hardest pain to cure. Paracetemol is not gonna help too. Well, I'm going to pray on this. I've not been so drained for long. Emotionally, physically and mentally. Gosh. what's happening!!!???!!!???!!! ARGH!!!













The idiosyncratic, the blessed, the nonchalent, the beautiful, the gregarious
Happy birthday Ongah and Jesus.
Agnetta.
251206